The Sometimes Annual Snowfall Rant- SNOW REMOVAL

Hey there! You guys know me. You know I have some medical issues... chronic pain (fibro and rheumatoid arthritis), I've got some foot issues too (tendinitis and plantar fasciitis), there's tendinitis in my shoulder, and I've had both knees replaced (one almost eight years ago, the other about seven months ago). I even had carpal tunnel surgery in both hands! 

And I have weather-induced asthma.
I call this look "Stagecoach Robber Chic"

And if you know me like you do, you know that I have a huuuuge pet peeve. I really, really hate it when people don't clear the snow off their vehicles before driving them. Look, I understand if you're disabled. Heck, I'm very familiar with disabled people.

Well, this one anyway.

Unless you're disabled and without someone to help or recently injured or surgeried up, I get it. Clearing the snow is just hard work. But if you're at all mobile- like me, I still walk with a slight limp. If you can walk and stand, odds are that you can clear the damn snow off your car. Here... look at my vehicle. That's a 2012 Chevrolet Colorado.

His name is Blueberry.

And, in just about ten or fifteen minutes, I made him look like this!

His name is still Blueberry.

But wait! I can hear you say right now: "C'mon, Pahz, I don't have a fancy brush that can reach the top of my vehicle!" Sure, I get you- you live in an area that gets snow on a nearly annual basis. Multiple times a year. I get you, man. Those brushes are long and don't fit in your car very well. But I bet you own something else. Something magical. Something amazing!!

How amazing? This thing is so amazing that you can use it for different things! It sweeps! It pushes dirt around! It doesn't quite get all of that spilled sugar up onto the dustpan! But I guarantee you that it'll get the snow off your vehicle!

What is that item called?

BEHOLD!! THE MIGHTY BROOM!!

"Oh, yeah. I guess I do have one of those," you say, dejectedly.

I took this simple, humble tool. This common kitchen broom and I used it to take THIS:

His name is STILL Blueberry.

And turn it into THIS:

Lightly dusted Blueberry.

And just HOW did a gimpy, pain-filled, asthmatic, slightly bitchy short woman do this?

Well, it was easy, really. I went "outside" and I approached my truck with the broom in my hand and I started at the top of my truck and worked my way down. I know it might be a little scary at first, but trust me, you can do it. I did it. And there was over eight inches of snow on my truck. Even more than that on the parts where it was drifted. I used my hands and my arms to lift the broom and I walked around my vehicle.

I had feet when I started this.

When I was done, I was a little dusted with snow, but I survived it because it isn't a hard thing to do!! You have no excuse. You don't need fancy tools or implements! You can take a simple household broom to achieve the dream. I have faith in you! YOU CAN DO IT!! Go! Go and get your broom! Take it outside! Use it to brush that snow off your car or truck or minivan or full-size van.

If I could fly with this, I wouldn't
need it to clear the snow off my truck.

I don't want you to be alarmed, but you might get some of the snow ON you when you do this. So, dress appropriately for snow-work. Today, I was wearing jeans, shirt, scarf, jacket, my red Docs, and my awesome mittens.

Those mittens are available at the
Sheepskin Shop at the Bristol Renaissance Faire.
You thought I wouldn't mention it in a post about snow, did you?

"I don't think this is a problem," I hear you say. That means that you're part of the problem! You drive around with thick layers of snow all over your vehicle and you don't care that you can cause problems with that snow. It can affect another driver's visibility. It can literally fly off in chunks, hitting other cars. Maybe you'll get lucky and that huge bit of snow on your roof that has melted slightly will come off in one big sheet and hit the ground. That's great! Till the sun goes down and that humble slab of snow-ice freezes and now you have a road hazard. All because you didn't have the same strength and agility as a mildly gimpy, chronic pain-addled, asthmatic, short and fat chick. Or her stroke-disabled husband. Yeah, he can clear his full-sized truck off using a broom and he does it one-handed. I hope you feel bad about that... because all these people should. And, it turns out, in some places, this is against the law. THE LAW. AGAINST IT.

All photos were taken today, on the drive to/from the grocery store. At stop signs and in the parking lot(s) where I stopped my vehicle to get the photos. I get road rage, I don't cause it... I mean, at least I don't try to cause it.

If you click the picture, it'll get bigger.
That's what she said!
This time, she did say that.

Come on, people. Really? REALLY!?

*Dusts off blog, walks into cobweb, becomes a ninja*

This is a perfect post about chronic pain. I haven't been updating here since before my knee surgery because everyone who follows my blog is also on my Facebook and I didn't see the point in updating the blog with the same thing. My updates there were usually short and faire-related. (I know, you're as shocked as I am, I can tell). Plus, after two days of faire and three to four days of photo processing/uploading/etc, I was exhausted, both mentally and physically. And on two weeks, I didn't get any days off between because of "real life" and the whole "being a functioning adult" thing took time out of the photo processing time. I also didn't upload any faire photos to my Flickr, but I've finally started doing it and the progress thus far can be seen here. (I hope to finish up by this weekend). But I digress... let me try an update.

As most of you know, my knee recovery was a freakin' dream compared to the first one (which, for the record, was seven and a half years ago). Last time- I was in bed, on my back, with a catheter, a nerve block in my leg (with a button that gave me a dose straight into the surgical leg), and an IV. On the fourth day, I stood up and physical therapy began. My surgeon also said I'd benefit from in-house physical therapy and had me stay another ten days in the PT rehab wing (which was literally down the hall). I even had an IV dose of morphine one of those first four nights because I couldn't sleep through the pain. After my release from the hospital, I spent two weeks at my parents' fully handicapped-accessible house and I had outpatient physical therapy three times a week. And at five weeks, I had a manipulation under anesthesia (MUA- which is when they knock your ass out and bend your knee to break up adhesions, which are like scar tissue). THIS time, however...

I was on my feet within four hours of surgery. There was no catheter. No nerve block. I did have an IV, which they removed once I was on my feet, but they left the IV- uh, what is it? An adapter? They left the IV adapter in for whatever medial reasons they have for that (you know, in case there's an emergency and whatnot). On the fourth day, they sent me home. Oh, I didn't come home though, I still live in a house with one bathroom and that bathroom is upstairs. Since my parents are now frolicking on a farm with other parents their age, chasing rabbits and catching Frisbees in their mouths- wait, I may be mis-remembering what happens after people die... anyway, I stayed with my eldest child. We called it "The Dungeon" and this is the view.
That's horrifying! Along with a 47-inch TV, AppleTV, Netflix, a small kitchen, a private bathroom with a walk-in shower, and a plush set of furniture that was the right amount of plush with firmness so I could get up and sit down on my own. There are also two bedrooms, a game-room area (with a pool table that I did not use), and the area with that above view was all open, no clutter and no rugs- just flat flooring. It was fantastic. Also, this was my daytime nurse. He was very polite. I had seven and a half weeks to recover enough to make it to Bristol and if you're reading this, odds are that you know I made it (here's the link to my "19 Days of Faire" and it is all of my Bristol 365s together). I set a new goal to walk without my cane by closing weekend and I crushed that goal three weeks early. So, this total knee replacement was a complete opposite of the last one. I still have some discomfort and some swelling, but I'm already wearing jeans again (I couldn't wear jeans last time for MONTHS because they were too uncomfortable). I walk without a cane almost all of the time. (I still use one if I'm not sure how long/far I have to stand/walk). The problem with the pain now is that even though I KNOW that it isn't arthritis pain, my brain interprets the pain surrounding my knee as that kind of pain. The tissue surrounding my knee still aches and sometimes, it hurts severe enough to make me stop what I'm doing.

I keep forgetting that any pain I'm having from the surgery isn't "normal". "Normal" in the sense that everything I feel is exacerbated by my screwed up nerve endings that keep dialing things up to eleven. I feel like I've been complaining on Facebook more than usual about it, which in turn makes me feel bad because I don't like to endlessly whine about the pain.

The worst part of this is that the Disabled Guy doesn't think I'm in as much pain as I am. When I got out of bed last night, after three hours of staring at the ceiling, then the wall, then the other wall, the TV, then my phone, then covering my head with my pillow, turning music on, turning it off, covering and uncovering my feet... I asked if he remembered my first knee replacement, 7 1/2 years ago. He doesn't. He said it was "too long ago". I reminded him that the first TKR caused a year-long fibro episode that was so severe that even my doctor couldn't deny it anymore. I was diagnosed with fibro a year and three months after my first total knee replacement.
So, while this recovery has been leaps and bounds above and beyond anything I ever expected, I still have issues. I've only had a few flareups of fibro pain since the surgery (which was four months and ten days ago), but I'd really like the pain in the squishy human bits around my robot knee to stop. I can walk mostly normal (there's only a slight hitch in my giddy-up, but if I try to walk faster, I outright limp). I can wear real clothes again, just like a real human. I've got a faire this weekend (Stronghold Olde English Faire- photos here) and one next weekend (A Gathering of Rogues & Ruffians- photos here), so I'm going to have some awesome friend-therapy. Honestly, the best part of having my total knee replacement recovery during the Bristol season was how many people I love and adore who made sure I was okay and asked me how I was doing. It was an amazing feeling, to know that people who weren't created with my genes actually cared. (also- my kids were so awesome while I was recovering. Kat and Tyler letting me stay with them, Christine going out of her way to come visit, and Jason- who still lives at home- helped out on a day to day basis).

And, because I shared links to the others- here's the Janesville Faire photos (in May) and the Teslacon photos (which I have in November!).

What a stupid difference a stupid year makes

Fuck.

Fuck!

FUCK!

FUUUUUCK!!!!

I have to have another total knee replacement. My right knee has now decided to say "fuck you" to the world and give up.

FUUUUCK!

I was not expecting this today. I thought I'd get another shot or something. Anything. But no. Total goddamn replacement in my right knee. It has been a long time coming, that's for sure. I injured it the first time when I was 18 years old (in a snowball fight, no less). I subsequently injured it eight more times over twenty years- the most recent time being March 3, 2006. That was what led up to the left total knee replacement in 2009.

So, last year... last year, I had knee pain and went to see my knee surgeon. And, I wrote a blog post about it- "Life is funny sometimes, but life is also a jerk sometimes"- and I included helpful photos. After I got over my initial shock- because believe me, there was shock and MASSIVE self-control to not blurt out the word "FUCK" repeatedly- I said, "I don't know what to do... I have so much stuff- I have plans." and inside my head, I'm going over the ren faire dates- like Janesville Ren Faire on May 14 and 15. Bristol starts on July 9th this year. Then Stronghold and a week later, A Gathering of Rogues & Ruffians. And let's not forget TeslaCon in November.

FUCK!

My right knee is MUCH worse than my left knee was when I had it replaced seven years ago. But, I had to ask, why doesn't the right one hurt as much as the left one did seven years ago?

Turns out- Fibrofuckingmyalgia.

Undiagnosed, untreated fibro caused my recovery to be a nightmare the first time. Every time I took two steps forward, I'd fall back one. It was a battle. A long, boring, painful battle. But I eventually got through it (especially after they started treating me for fibro).

This time around, I'm on three different drugs to live with the fibro. I take Hydrocodone (Vicodin), Cyclobenzaprine (Flexeril, a muscle relaxer), and Duloxetine (Cymbalta). My body does not process pain properly anymore. Partially due to fibro, partially due to all the drugs I take for fibro. So, my body and brain weren't perceiving this pain as bad as it is, but if someone else had this knee, well, they'd be crying and swearing more than I was while I was driving home today.

There are some differences between my first total knee replacement and now. One, both my parents are gone now and I really just want my mommy. Two, despite still being fat (yes, I'm fat; don't sugarcoat it for me, I'll just eat it), I am in way better shape than I was then. Back then, I'd spent three years as a sedentary human. I did as little as possible for activity. And while I'm not running marathons and lifting all the weights at the gym, I am doing more and of course- ren faire walking (that's the same as regular walking, but you look fabulous doing it). Part of that is that I've been using my left leg exclusively to go up and down the stairs. When I had my first knee replaced, my right leg was still weirdly injured and not as strong as it should have been. I had a lot of trouble with stairs. Third, I am way, way, way more motivated than I've ever been in my life. I have approximately seven weeks between surgery day and opening weekend of Bristol. And I am not going to miss faire. I will not miss Bristol. Ever. My parents always said they wouldn't die during my faire season and goddammit, if they could schedule their deaths during the winter just so I wouldn't have to miss faire or photo editing time, then I will be goddamned ready to go to Bristol when it happens. I don't care if I have to drag my ass around with my walker. I WILL NOT MISS BRISTOL!

*deep breath*

What was my point? I don't even know if I had one. I have to get my goddamned knee replaced. I have to recover from that in seven weeks. It was such a shock because I was honestly not expecting him to say I'd need surgery. At the very least, not total knee replacement. In just over two weeks, my knees will be fully cyborg. I expect to be a full android by the time I'm 65. I wonder if I still have to go to the doctor then or if I just get my oil changed at Jiffy Lube.

Here are some photos of my X-rays. The dates are on them, from 2009 to today. You can see how quickly my knee deteriorated in the past year.

I was at the doctor to get checked out because I slipped on the ice and wanted to make sure I wasn't further damaged (he did an X-ray on my cyborg knee too). But this was my right knee then... it still had some cartilage in it.

May 5th, 2015... last year, when I got a cortisone shot in it. (I added that text last year, I added the May 5th part today. Don't judge me!).

And, here we have today...

Yeah. Quite a shock, isn't it? It looks like my leg bone is sliding off my shinbone.

Just a year... this definitely explains why I had so much trouble walking around at the faire, the other faire, that other faire too, Teslacon, and the Midwest Horse Fair two weeks ago.

Here's a zoom-in on all three X-rays.

Stuff about Open Carpal Tunnel Surgery and of course, the fibro...

First, let's cover the surgery thing. I didn't- as I'd mentioned in that video- update anyone after the cast thing came off my hand. So, let's start there... sort of.

If you're on my Facebook, you know how it has been going, because I did not one update, not two updates, not three, or four, not even five (which was the start of the second surgery). I did six, seven, eight, nine  updates on my Facebook. All my posts are public, so you should be able to see them.

My first surgery was amazing. Every single day felt like an improvement and within two weeks, I got most of the feeling back in my fingers. Just the very tips of my index and middle fingers are a bit tingly. But, I can feel things with them- including hot, cold, wet, or dry. My second surgery wasn't quite as fun. The pain after surgery was much, much worse. I spent a lot more time elevating and icing than I had to with the first. Even now, I sometimes have to wear a brace to do things- but the weird thing is that I don't have to wear any kind of brace to sleep with anymore. I've slept with braces on my hands for more than ten years. I was worried I wouldn't be able to fall asleep without them, but I adapted very quickly.

Here's a list of things I wish I knew ahead of my first surgery-

1- if you take a fistful of pills in the morning like I do, get yourself one of those days-of-the-week/month pill holders and set that shit up BEFORE  you go in for surgery. I didn't. Didn't even cross my mind. I take some vitamins (prescribed) and some other blood pressure and edema-related pills every morning. And I take a small amount of pills at night (pain meds, muscle relaxers, fibro med).

2- Get bottles without a childproof cap. My pain meds were in the super-dynamic-engineering type of bottle. I had serious problems getting into my bottles. The spouse- you know him, The Disabled Guy- only has the use of one hand himself, so the two of us trying to wedge a childproof cap off a Vicodin bottle was pretty hilarious... not as hilarious as the two of us one-handed wonders trying to get my giant DDD-cup bra on in the morning. Boy, THAT was an experience in pain and hilarity.

3- Get frozen meals or pre-cook/freeze meals. Not everyone is as lucky as I am to have a disabled spouse who is always home. He handled cooking okay and we had takeout and frozen pizza a lot. (he doesn't like to cook very much).

4- Train all of your pets ahead of time to bring you shit. Not actual shit, that's gross. Like, food and drink. Ice packs. Pain medicine. That remote control you kept dropping behind the sofa because you thought setting it on the pillow next to your swollen hand was a good idea.

5- Chihuahuas make good nurses. At least, in THEIR mind, they do.

Here is a link to a photo of  my left hand with stitches visible, and the right one with stitches and bruising. Here's one of just the scars (at four weeks and six weeks). They're not so bad right now, they look more like a slight discoloration than surgical scars.

Now that's out of the way, let's move on to the fibro thing. I think my Generic-Cymbalta-for-fibro has stopped working. I've been dealing with almost-daily flareup pain for just over a month. I have my semi-annual followup appointment two days from this typing. It started just like last time- I couldn't tell if it was the weather or if I was having issues with the medicine. I even thought that it was related to my hand surgery because that second one sucked a lot more for pain/issues. But it isn't that either. I didn't try to get in at the VA earlier, because I already have this appointment scheduled, so I just let the days drag on till now.

That said, the other day, I picked up some potted flowers at that big orange box store because it'd been SO LONG since I held my beloved Nikon in my hands. And I got a few really nice macro shots of flowers. And now, I share those with you, because what better way to end a blog update full of Facebook links and Mom Jokes? Enjoy!

This is the first batch of photos I have taken since my open carpal tunnel release surgeries. I did do a few snowflake macros in February, but I still had the cast on my arm, so it wasn't much effort to hold the camera. This day, however, I learned just where the pain was internally.

Despite the pain in my hand (which I controlled a bit by wearing a soft Neoprene wrist brace), I loved being outside to take photos again. In the weeks leading up to my surgeries (which were January 22nd and February 5th), I didn't have much chance to do a lot of photos (drab weather, lack of indoor flowers).
















This is the fingertip of my pinky finger. For size reference.

ZOMBIE ARM!! I mean, the open Carpal Tunnel Release Surgery

I did a video since I'm only able to type one-handed and I think faster than I can type with one hand.  In the video, I mentioned some photos and I'm sharing them here.



 On the way to the hospital... not nervous at all!




At the hospital... still totally not nervous at all...



Snazzy jewelry!



Sexy hospital gown!!



The doctor laughed when I took this photo.



Super-sexy hat!!



ZOMBIE ARM!!

Ice and elevate, Chihuahua is optional. #surgery #carpaltunnel #chihuahua #dogsofinstagram #dog

A photo posted by Pahz (@pahz_on_instagram) on Jan 22, 2016 at 4:29pm PST

Ice, elevate, two chis- for extra healing power. #surgery #dogsofinstagram #dog #carpaltunnel #chihuahua

A photo posted by Pahz (@pahz_on_instagram) on Jan 23, 2016 at 12:20pm PST

Well... this is a blog post.

As my last post mentioned, I had to get a test done- EMG. WELL... turns out, that's one of the MANY things that the VA hospital will not see me for- and for good reason, really. I'm not a veteran. I'm the spouse of a 100% service-connected disabled veteran. While I can get almost everything I need done at the VA, there are a few specialties that they won't cover because they're high demand for actual veterans. And that's fine. What's not fine is that the list of things they will and will not cover changes often. I never know what's going to come up as not covered. BUT- the VA doctors can give me a consultation letter to see a non-VA doctor and the CHAMPVA insurance will pay for it like any other health insurance (meaning we have a cost-share and deductible).

So, that call I was waiting to make that I mentioned before? That was the Patient Administrative Services calling to tell me they weren't going to let me see a rheumatologist because they couldn't allow me to be a "new patient". Except I'm not a "new patient". I saw the rheumatology clinic for my fibro diagnosis and initial treatment. Then they kicked me back to my GP for the maintenance care. If I had been to the rheumatology within the last two years, I'd be allowed back... but their policy to kick me back to the GP... you see the circle-jerk in that whole thing? Yeah.

Anyway, after I got off the phone with them, I called the GP clinic and told them that I'd need a consultation letter. When I got the letter, I called the local place I go to when I need to- and it turns out, you don't even SEE a rheumatologist for this in the real world! I had to go to an ortho. The good thing is, the ortho I had to see is in the same office as my knee doctor. So, from that visit, I was scheduled for the EMG on January 14th. Then this morning, I got a call saying they had a cancellation for this afternoon.

One piece of advice- do NOT Google "Does an EMG for carpal tunnel hurt?" because you will find the scary stories from people who were either exaggerating or complete and total wimps. The test wasn't painful, really, just uncomfortable. And kind of weird. There are needles involved but the needle thing didn't even hurt. The weird cattle prod thingy- that was worse than the needles.

Basically, they put these sensors on your hands in different places and then use that weird cattle prod thingy to send a jolt through various nerves from different places in your arm/wrist. After that, there is a session with a needle in specific places to test muscle activity and such. You get to hear your muscles. I didn't even know my muscles made noise. And let me tell you, mine were noisy bastards!

Because I'm me, I took some photos. But because I'm not an asshole, I won't show you the photos without warning. They'll be in links. Click them if you want to, but I will tell you what they are before you click it.

This is the machine used in the EMG.

This is my hand with some of the senor doodads on it (they move those around at different points of the test).

This is the needle being held up by the doctor so I could take a photo. It is a really thin needle and I barely felt the needle at all.

This is that same needle in my forearm. The doctor took this photo with my phone for me. There is no blood or anything, just the super-thin needle in my arm.

This is the bruise I got in my biceps on my left arm. I don't think I have any other bruises and it doesn't even hurt.

Now see? That wasn't so bad! And if you need one of these, don't worry! You can't even see them putting the needle into your muscle and I could barely feel it.

As for the results of this test- I have severe nerve damage in both hands. I am definitely going to have surgery for it because I really don't have much of a choice at this point. And because my nerve damage is so severe, I will probably always have numbness in some of my fingers. The surgery will help, but it can't fix what's so far gone.

NOW... a little discussion about the fibro thing. Because of the holiday or because I miscounted- I was without my fibro medication for three straight days. I took my last pill on Sunday night. On Monday, when it didn't come in the mail, I decided to give it one more day, because of the holiday. On Tuesday, when it didn't come, I called the VA. It turns out it was mailed out on Monday afternoon. I got it today. However, I couldn't take it till I got home from all the running around I had to do today. So, I did the EMG, I drove home to pick up the Disabled Guy to drive him to Rockford. Oh, yeah- last Thursday (New Year's Eve), he was driving down a road and a woman pulled out in front of him. He was going about 45 MPH and had no stop signs or lights. She was turning left onto the road from a stop sign. How she didn't see the full-size pickup truck with running lights is beyond me. He's fine, but his truck has been officially totaled.

So for the last week, I've been dealing with insurance companies, chauffeuring the Disabled Guy around, juggling my doctor appointments with his anti-coagulation appointment, AND dealing with life without fibro medicine. Let me tell you- I'd forgotten how much this disease sucks without that medicine. And stress suuuuuucks even harder. So, today, I had to drive a half hour to one town to be zapped and prodded and stabbed, then drive the half hour home, get the Disabled Guy, drive forty minutes to where his truck had been towed to get his big-ass toolbox that was mounted in the bed of his truck, then drive him the forty minutes home, and THEN go to the grocery store. Then... I had to cook dinner.

But I digress... or do I? I'm not sure what I'm doing. I'm on my full amount of nighttime medication right now. Let me sum it up a little...

Good news: I was moved up a whole week to get the EMG.

Bad news: I have severe and permanent nerve damage in my hands. (in case you forgot, I kind of use my hands for, well, everything. But most importantly, I use my hands for photography).

Goo- No, wait... bad news: I have to have surgery.

Good- No, wait, still bad news: the Disabled Guy's truck is totaled, we have to wait for the insurance company to settle things with the lien holder before we can get him a new vehicle.

Good news: (no, really!) it should only be a couple weeks before we get the check from the insurance company to get a new truck.

Bad news: I have to put up with the Disabled Guy not driving himself around for another few weeks. He can't drive my vehicle because it isn't big enough for him to tuck his disabled half out of the way so he can reach everything with his un-disabled half.

Good-Bad news: The recovery time from a carpal tunnel surgery can take up to three months. The reason that's good-bad is that I have plenty of time between now and May (the Janesville Ren Faire), but the bad part is that because of my fibro, recovery time may be longer.

 To end on a better note, here are some macro photos I took of some flowers (I bought myself a bouquet of flowers from the grocery store and a couple days later, a friend dropped by and gave me a Yule basket of goodies and some flowers). Also, I took some really cool photos of the Disabled Guy's train set. If you'd like to see those- here's a link. Some were taken with my phone, some with my camera. (the camera shots are awesome!).

And now, on to the flower macros! I took the two flower vases outside while the sun was still out to get a handful of photos. The sunlight was filtered through some thin, white clouds.