Sunday, May 6, 2012

When You Fall asleep to "Futurama", weirdness ensues... [flareup whining inside]


Today is Sunday, May 6th. That's in case you live in the future or if you're reading this on some other day than the day I posted it.

I woke up today feeling a little sore, kinda stiff, but no biggie, I wake up every goddamn morning like that now. The Disabled Guy got home on Friday evening, so that's been a barrel of laughs. Saturday, we had to go to Ceej's dorm and move 90% of her crap home. She's got two finals and then she's staying at her sister's for a bit. We took her car out to her so she'll just drive herself home.

I've been under some stress lately that I won't bore you with, but as you know, stress can exacerbate the pain. I had to run to the store and shortly after I got home, I started to hurt. Slowly, the pain became more intense. My skin felt like it was on fire. My clothing hurt my skin and even having one of the dogs brush by my leg caused me to wince. As the pain increased, I seemed to lose my ability to stand up straight. I started to curl into a question mark. Let me tell you, that's not a good look for anyone- except question marks. And maybe The Riddler.

Since NASCAR was on, I decided to go upstairs and get under my soft fleece blankets. As mentioned before, the fleece blankets I have are super-soft. One blanket feels good, the second blanket's weight just feels nice against the softness. Oh, also, I'm naked. Sorry for that mental image.

I wasn't tired, really, so I had "Futurama" on Comedy Central. As Stephen Colbert said: "Comedy Central, where you're never more than 30 minutes from an episode of 'Futurama'." (or something similar, frankly I'm not going to look it up).

As if by psychic cue, three of my friends started texting me. It was like they knew I felt terrible and only their special brand of crazy was going to make me feel better. (one wasn't actually texting me- but I get text alerts when I get a Facebook message). It was nice. To you guys, thanks.

After the marathon texting and a couple episodes of "Futurama", I started to doze off. I was in pain. Excruciating pain. I couldn't shift my body around without wincing. So, I was sprawled out, taking up most of the bed, not moving. This was a huge pain- I had tears more than once today. This is how bad it was- I didn't take Vicodin before I went upstairs and I should have. But, I hurt so much I didn't want to go back downstairs to get some Vicodin.

I can hear you saying: "But, the Disabled Guy is home, why didn't you have him bring it upstairs with a bottle of water?"

Weren't you listening? NASCAR was on.

As I dozed off, I was half in and out of semi-animated dreams that involved characters from "Futurama". I wish I could remember the details because it was very surreal. I also had a weird dream about someone I've never met in person. I don't even know what it was about, but I think we may have been declaring a thumb war.

Somewhere in there, I had to change the channel because "Futurama" ended and Jeff Dunham's canceled show came on. I'm sorry, if you like him, that's cool and all, but he stopped being funny to me sometime around the year he started using the Achmed-the-Dead-Terrorist character. I switched it to one of the X-Men sequels on FX. Then my dreams were a weird mix of Leela and Wolverine discussing my mutant abilities.

That's what it is... I'm a mutant. This fibrofuckingmyalgia is part of my mutant abilities. I can withstand pain that would drop a normal person in their tracks.

Lamest mutant ability ever.

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