Friday, August 3, 2012

Martyrdom and reality...

I despise taking my pain meds in the daytime. I hate it. I refer to it as "daytime pain meds" as though I take something else for the pain during the day as opposed to what I take at night. I take three 5/325 mg Hydrocodone/Acetaminophen tablets at night. An hour-ish later, I take two 10 mg Cyclobenzaprine tablets. When I do the "daytime pain meds" thing, I take two of the Hydrocodone tablets. I can drive on three. Two won't kill the pain. They just take the edge off and make it tolerable. (The three tablets don't kill the pain either, so whatever, right?).

Anyway, let me get to my point. A couple weeks ago at the faire, I was having a miserable day with the pain. Everything hurt. I don't know if I was having a flareup or if my feet were just so sore that they were making everything hurt. I was bloody miserable. I decided to take it easy that day. Arrive everywhere I had to be earlier than I needed to be and not to try and shoot extra shows. I reached the tilt yard an hour before the joust. I had my tankard full of Gatorade and I sat in the shade and just rested. A short while later, two men came up and I'd met them at the Janesville Faire. Nice guys. In talking to them, I explained why I was down there so early and not taking in any of the other shows or demonstrations that were around the tilt yard.

It was the pain, you see... the amount of pain I was in just sitting there was bad enough to complain about. Most times, as long as I'm not standing, my pain is tolerable. But here I was, bitching and griping about this goddamn pain. To two people I barely knew. And I hate doing that. I don't even like to do it on Facebook. I try to keep my whining to a minimum on my status updates. I'd rather be known as funny, insightful, silly or even "that annoying chick who talks of nothing but the ren faire and photography".

In the middle of talking to those guys, I stopped and said, "I don't know why I'm complaining so much, I have pain meds in my pouch, I should just shut the fuck up and take them." And I did. I took two of the Hydrocodone and one Cyclobenzaprine (muscle relaxer). And by the time the joust started, I felt good. The two different pain meds did their job. They took the edge off the pain and they made my muscles stop aching all over. I could function again.

A few hours later, when the pain meds wore off and the pain was creeping back into my muscles, I had one of those "a-ha" moments and I don't mean the band. *crickets chirp* You know, the band A-Ha? Take On Me... no? What are you, twelve? Geez, people!

Where was I? Oh, my palm-to-the-forehead moment. My entire recovery from the total knee replacement, we were told: "Stay ahead of the pain, stay ahead of the pain, take your pain meds." And those were some damn good pain meds. I was on the Oxy-cocktail. Oxycontin and Oxycodone. I don't remember now which was which, but one was a twelve-hour time-release and the other was a four-to-six-hours bridge drug. Sorta like backup.

I decided that if I which to continue to function at faire and not only have a good time (because that's what faire is all about), but to also take fabulous photos of my friends doing what they do best- I had to stay ahead of the pain. I've thrown aside my stupid "I hate taking daytime pain meds" mantra and stepped down from my martyr pedestal. At the first inkling of pain, I take two Hydrocodone and one Cyclobenzaprine. Usually around noon, which is seven hours after I wake up and still seven-ish hours before my normal dose of "nightly pain meds".

I really have no idea why I didn't just accept it sooner. If I'm in pain then I need the pain meds. That's the whole purpose of having those pain meds- to help curb the pain. I'm not addicted to my pain meds, I take them for a specific pain reason and they are prescribed to me by the same doctor. Granted, my body would go through withdrawals like an addict's if I ran out, but mentally, I'd be able to cope better because I am not addicted in the actual sense. There's an article somewhere that explains the difference between being addicted and being medically dependent, but you know how to work Google if you're interested in reading it.

I still flinch at the thought of having to take daytime pain meds. But at least now I realize I need them and that there isn't a goddamn thing wrong with me taking them. I have several types of chronic pain. Fibrofuckingmyalgia is wide-spread. The various foot problems are localized in my feet. My knees are fantastic though. Now I just need to look into getting some Cyborg feet installed and I'll be running all over the ren faire.

By the way, I've taken so many photos in the last four weekends. I have almost a thousand photos in my Bristol set on Flickr. And that's not even ALL of the photos I've taken. I try to get my photos edited on Monday and Tuesday. I do them in order, so I can keep them straight by day and show and whatnot. This week, though, was a payday week and I had to leave the house for two days, interrupting my photo editing. I didn't get through all my faire photos till Thursday around mid-afternoon. So what did I do? I went outside with my macro lens and popped off about 35 shots of flowers in my garden.

Why is that important? Because I've been having a flareup for the last three days. During a flareup. In macro. And I don't use a tripod. And all that pain I was in at faire? I still managed to get some damn good photos.

In the Nobles Glade before the dancing

Oberon, King of the Fairies

Air Dirk!

It was "intense and handsome man" day in the Friends Garden


Sir Anders of Denmark

A couple of Thursday's macro shots-

I love this shot.

The purple bloom

White and pink geraniums

So, in your face, Fibrofuckingmyalgia!! It makes me wonder what the hell I could do if I wasn't in pain.

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