I can't believe I didn't post about this! (this is good stuff, no whining!)

On December 27, 2013, I took this photo for my 365 (day 317 of my fourth year doing the 365days self-portrait project). The bit in italics is the caption of the photo over on Flickr.

The title of this photo is: "Say hello to my little friend... no, really, say hello!"




Via Flickr:
This little guy is a Liberty ENG 32. I've been shopping around for a while, looking for a hearing device that I can afford and wear (because of the whole "sweat like crazy at the faire all summer" thing)... and here it is.

The big surprise for me was that I actually got to walk out wearing it! I expected to have to order it, wait a couple weeks, go back in... but no! Hearing aid technology has advanced to the point where you can get an affordable, reliable hearing aid basically "over the counter".

I can hear EVERYTHING!

I don't think I've stopped smiling yet!

Here are a couple blogs from June where I discussed the doctor visits- "What? WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU... no, really, I can't hear you" and "Let Grammy Patty get her ear horn..."

So, lemme tell you how this month has gone. Right after I got this way-awesome hearing aid, I caught a cold- my first cold in years. How many? I don't know, but the Nyquil I had in my cabinet was almost empty and in its expiration month. And the Disabled Guy was the last one who needed it. I can't remember having a cold for the last three or four years, at least.

So, after I recovered from my head and chest cold (it took three days before I felt fine and another two or three days to shake the last of the cough- I have asthma), I was able to start wearing it again. The thing I was looking forward to most was listening to music.

Did you know that when you listen with headphones/earbuds, you don't hear everything through both sides at the same time? Because I didn't. Being born deaf in one ear, I had no idea what "in stereo" was or how it was supposed to sound. In fact, till I was a teenager, I had no idea what was going on. It was in listening to Queen with those giant padded headphones that I realized something was amiss. Except that's just how it is... part of the sound comes through the right, part through the left. And sometimes, its through both... I really don't understand why. An audiophile would know what I was trying to say, probably even tell us the fancy-schmancy words for it.

Anyway, I rarely use headphones because it isn't good for your hearing and when I DO, I listen with it low enough to hear outside noises- or, you know, I used to- because my hearing is so damaged that I can't hear much of anything in general. (I used to wear headphones when I did my four-miles-a-day walk early in the morning and my volume was so low that I could hear traffic. Despite having first a Rottweiler and then a German Shepherd with me, I didn't want people to sneak up on me!).

But, let me get back to this little guy... I love a band called Steam Powered Giraffe. They have amazing harmonies and their vocal ranges are astounding. I would equate David Bennett's vocal range to Freddie Mercury (David plays "The Spine" in SPG). He can go way, way low and then give you an aural wedgie and crank it up to almost-shrieking-girl high. Don't believe me? Watch this video- "Me and My Baby (Saturday Night)" or his awesome cover of Rihanna's "Diamonds". If you're a fan, then you know. If you're not a fan, well, you should listen to "Go, Spine, Go" and hear that note he hits at the end.

Okay, let me take a breath... this is about how I can hear them now and not my total adoration of David "The Spine" Bennett's voice. And let me add- that's not to say that Bunny Bennett (who plays "Rabbit") and Sam Luke (who plays "Hatchworth") and Michael Reed (who plays everything) aren't fabulous and have great voices- they do. Here, watch this video too- "Hatch Fever" and listen to Sam's voice when he hits that note (you'll know which one).

Okay, okay... let me move on (again)...

So, here I am, sitting down and actually listening with my hearing aid- by the way, his name is Merc, for "Mercury"- and I actually get to hear them. I can tell Rabbit's voice from The Spine's, for starters. Unless the notes are super-low, then I'm not always sure if it is Rabbit or The Spine. Rabbit can get that low (like at the beginning of "Hatch Fever"), but doesn't do it very often. So, I can tell the Bennetts' singing voices apart now (they're twins, by the way, David and Bunny). I can hear the harmonies. Oh my sweet mechanical overlords- the harmonies!!!! This is what you guys have been hearing all this time? I thought they were awesome when I was only hearing half of what they actually are... I- I really don't have the words to describe how amazing their voices sound to me now.

At the end of "Mecto Amore", they're all singing the words "Mecto Amore", but they're doing it all different, over each other's voices. And I never heard David/The Spine in the background with that damn deep voice of his. The chorus through the song- I... had... no... idea.

In the last month, I've listened and re-listened to as much music as possible. And I've got a TON of music in the last couple of years. Not just SPG, but Amanda Palmer, Panic! at the Disco, Lake Street Dive, Flo Rida... so many more that I can't think of right off the top of my head. And sometimes, while I'm listening, I'm moved to the point of tears. I was missing so much. I was missing so much and had no idea. Perfectly content to sit here, oblivious to what truly amazing sounds I was missing.

The other day, I was in the grocery store and while I've been to the store since I've had Merc, this particular day seemed noisier than usual. It was a little crowded and when that's the case, when I get in line, I'm mindful of blocking traffic. People often end up approaching on my deaf side (not their fault, obviously) and I don't realize they're there till they nudge me. Well, now I can hear them approaching. And I was standing there in line, hearing people talking, carts rattling, the registers beeping, and the music over the intercom. Now, I knew they had music, but I had no idea it was a radio station. I thought it was just some weird "play music in the store" loop thing. But I could hear the DJ's voice and other radio noises. I ended up talking to the guy in front of me about how noisy the store was and how tickled it made me to just stand there and listen.

I end up walking around with a goofy-ass grin on my face because I can hear so much. And sometimes, I gotta wonder, how the hell you normal people can do this all the time. I know I'll get used to it (apparently, you  have to re-train your brain to deal with all the noise), but there's just so much day-to-day noise. Today, I learned that the "high wind advisory" we were having was real without having to look out the window. I could hear the wind whipping against my house. Of course, when I walked outside, all I could hear was the wind whipping through the hearing aid.

But so far, there hasn't been any downsides. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some music to listen to and grin like a doofus about.

Let Grammy Patty get her ear horn out...

Oh, yeah, my name is Patty. Nobody calls me Pahz in a real-world situation. I use "Pahz" because I do photography ("No way!" you say. "I KNOW!" I exclaim back) and there are a *kajillion "Patty Smith Photography" places out there. "Pahz" is the phonetic pronounciation of my initals, and I used to sign my artwork with my initials, back in the day when I did artwork.
*kajillion is an estimate

I had my doctor appointment today. A few good things- despite having flareups, we're not touching the fibro treatment for now because on the whole (*snicker*) it is working. And I'm not losing weight, but my jeans are becoming ridiculously loose on me. The doc says I'm probably gaining muscle. When I had my knee replacement, as you all know, the recovery was delayed by the then-undiagnosed fibro and I lost a lot of muscle tone in my legs- mostly my thigh muscles (all of them, choose one). All my blood work is good. My bad cholesterol had been about five points into the "time to treat with a drug" area, but the doctor gave me six months to get it down on my own. Guess what? Cheerios. Those dry, disgusting, dusty little circles actually DO help. (I don't like Cheerios. I'm more of a Cocoa Puffs gal).

Now, about my hearing. Well, I'm going deaf. And that sucks, because I was born halfway there. The doctor checked out both my ears and they were not only the cleanest she'd seen (I'm crazy-careful about that), there was also no fluid or any signs of infection. Then she did some weird stuff to me with a tuning fork,  which was kind of cool because she did it to my deaf ear too. And of course, there was nothing going on on that side of my head. While she was inspecting my ears with the ear-light-scope thing, I asked how everything looked and she said: "Fine. There's nothing going on inside here..." So, basically, my doctor said there's nothing going on inside my head. LAUGH, GODDAMMIT! I did!

So, she's put in the referral to the Audiology clinic at the VA hospital. One of two things will happen now. I'll get a letter in the mail telling me that they won't do that for me at the VA hospital. There is a list of services that the VA hospital won't cover and it changes every so often. If that happens, the letter explaining it will include the official referral letter for me to take to a non-VA audiologist. That means my insurance will cover it, but we'll have to pay for the first $100 (deductible) and 20% of every cost after that (cost share of patient)... which sucks, because we live on a fixed income and my photography doesn't pay regularly enough for us to count on it.

The other thing that could happen will be that in three months, I'll get a call saying there's an opening on X-day at Y-time and could I get there for that? Of course, I'll go, but I really think it'll be the first scenario.

I told the doctor: "Well, if that happens, then I won't be getting seen by an audiologist." of the second and much shorter scenario.

She sort of made a scoff noise and said: "But you have to. You have to, this is really important. You have to find a way to make it happen if you have to do it that way."

So, soon I'm going to call my dad and say: "Hey, Dad, can you come with me to a doctor appointment [one town over]? Oh, and bring your checkbook..."

I'm kidding... I'm going to call him tomorrow and let him know how my appointment went today. Why tomorrow? Because I'm listening to music right now. I'm listening to it while I can. Reality can bite me for at least one more day.

What? WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU... no, really, I can't...

Let me throw this out there first- I've had pretty good days in the last couple of weeks. No agonizing pain, really. I've been mostly functioning at a six on the pain scale. We've been going to the ren faire the last few weekends to work in the Friends of Faire Garden (and by "we", I mean me and Christine and by "work", I mean Christine works and I sort of push a paintbrush around). I finish those days sore and the next mornings are always a bit rough, but nothing too terrible.

But now on to the title topic. You see, I was born deaf in one ear. They discovered it when I was four years old in one of those hearing tests the school nurse gives you. Raise your hand if you hear the beep. Right hand for the right side, left for the left, and both for... well, you know. After several tests- many of which were terrifying to me- the Army doctors determined that I was born without the auditory nerve that runs from the eardrum to the brain.

About those terrifying tests- I was four years old. They locked me in a dimly-lit soundproof room and put giant, padded headphones on me. And I couldn't see my mom. Then a stranger would say in a monotonic tone: "We're going to play some sounds... you tell us what you're hearing..." Then they proceeded to play thunderstorm sounds and ocean sounds and various other scary-to-a-small-child noises. Then the monotonic voice would say: "I'm going to say some words. Repeat those words back to me..." I was four years old. I could barely speak on my own, much less repeat multi-syllable words to an invisible stranger while worrying that my mother had abandoned me.

At one point, the monotonic voice told me I didn't have to cry. Then my mother opened that heavy soundproof door and took the headphones off me...

Okay, we've gotten a bit off track.

Along with the born-deaf thing, I've had some hearing loss in my good ear. I've been careful. I've only ever been to five concerts in my life. When I listen to headphones, I keep the volume low enough to hear outside noises and I don't use earbuds. As I got older, I developed tinnitus. And that low-grade buzzing comes and goes. Well, it never really goes, it just seems quieter and sometimes it seems louder. But it always goes back to the quieter... almost always.

A few weeks ago, my ear started to buzz louder. After several days, the buzzing seemed to taper off, but everything seems like it has been turned down. I have to turn the TV up louder, I have to turn my computer speakers up. I can't even hear the sound my truck engine makes unless I'm in an enclosed area (like a parking garage or whatever).

After two weeks, like anyone with chronic issues, I looked it up online. There are a few scenarios. One is that I have fluid in my ear and I'll be fine. Another is that my tinnitus is just getting worse. And another is that the tinnitus is being exacerbated by fibrofuckingmyalgia (is there any gift that gives you as much as fibro does?). And the last one is that I am losing my hearing. My tinnitus isn't getting worse, I'm just not hearing the world anymore and my brain focuses on the ringing in my ears. Well, ear, since the other one has never worked.

I have a doctor appointment on Thursday where they'll do a few things to see what's going on with my hearing. So, if you see me at Bristol (well, if you see me anywhere, actually) and I don't answer you, I'm not being rude, I sincerely cannot hear you. I can't ear anything on my right side (all my life) and I can't hear things behind me (all my life), and now... well, its a gamble if I can hear you or not.

If you feel the need to get my attention, it helps to call out my first and last names. And if you know me at Bristol, you know my full name. If you're standing next to me and you spot a hot guy (which happens A LOT at the faire) and you want to whisper it to me, you have to whisper like you were raised in a sawmill and do it on my left side. But if you're sawmill-whispering to me that there's a hot guy at my 3 o'clock, odds are, he's going to hear you too, so I hope you're not prone to blushing. Because if he looks over at us, I'll take his photo and he'll know it was you who said something. Because I'll tell him.

Jokes aside, I haven't been this scared since the doctor found a "suspicious dark area" in my mammogram. That turned out to be nothing.

And now, since I like to end things on a high note, let's all watch The Spine from Steam Powered Giraffe do a cover of a Rhianna song.