*Dusts off blog, walks into cobweb, becomes a ninja*

This is a perfect post about chronic pain. I haven't been updating here since before my knee surgery because everyone who follows my blog is also on my Facebook and I didn't see the point in updating the blog with the same thing. My updates there were usually short and faire-related. (I know, you're as shocked as I am, I can tell). Plus, after two days of faire and three to four days of photo processing/uploading/etc, I was exhausted, both mentally and physically. And on two weeks, I didn't get any days off between because of "real life" and the whole "being a functioning adult" thing took time out of the photo processing time. I also didn't upload any faire photos to my Flickr, but I've finally started doing it and the progress thus far can be seen here. (I hope to finish up by this weekend). But I digress... let me try an update.

As most of you know, my knee recovery was a freakin' dream compared to the first one (which, for the record, was seven and a half years ago). Last time- I was in bed, on my back, with a catheter, a nerve block in my leg (with a button that gave me a dose straight into the surgical leg), and an IV. On the fourth day, I stood up and physical therapy began. My surgeon also said I'd benefit from in-house physical therapy and had me stay another ten days in the PT rehab wing (which was literally down the hall). I even had an IV dose of morphine one of those first four nights because I couldn't sleep through the pain. After my release from the hospital, I spent two weeks at my parents' fully handicapped-accessible house and I had outpatient physical therapy three times a week. And at five weeks, I had a manipulation under anesthesia (MUA- which is when they knock your ass out and bend your knee to break up adhesions, which are like scar tissue). THIS time, however...

I was on my feet within four hours of surgery. There was no catheter. No nerve block. I did have an IV, which they removed once I was on my feet, but they left the IV- uh, what is it? An adapter? They left the IV adapter in for whatever medial reasons they have for that (you know, in case there's an emergency and whatnot). On the fourth day, they sent me home. Oh, I didn't come home though, I still live in a house with one bathroom and that bathroom is upstairs. Since my parents are now frolicking on a farm with other parents their age, chasing rabbits and catching Frisbees in their mouths- wait, I may be mis-remembering what happens after people die... anyway, I stayed with my eldest child. We called it "The Dungeon" and this is the view.
That's horrifying! Along with a 47-inch TV, AppleTV, Netflix, a small kitchen, a private bathroom with a walk-in shower, and a plush set of furniture that was the right amount of plush with firmness so I could get up and sit down on my own. There are also two bedrooms, a game-room area (with a pool table that I did not use), and the area with that above view was all open, no clutter and no rugs- just flat flooring. It was fantastic. Also, this was my daytime nurse. He was very polite. I had seven and a half weeks to recover enough to make it to Bristol and if you're reading this, odds are that you know I made it (here's the link to my "19 Days of Faire" and it is all of my Bristol 365s together). I set a new goal to walk without my cane by closing weekend and I crushed that goal three weeks early. So, this total knee replacement was a complete opposite of the last one. I still have some discomfort and some swelling, but I'm already wearing jeans again (I couldn't wear jeans last time for MONTHS because they were too uncomfortable). I walk without a cane almost all of the time. (I still use one if I'm not sure how long/far I have to stand/walk). The problem with the pain now is that even though I KNOW that it isn't arthritis pain, my brain interprets the pain surrounding my knee as that kind of pain. The tissue surrounding my knee still aches and sometimes, it hurts severe enough to make me stop what I'm doing.

I keep forgetting that any pain I'm having from the surgery isn't "normal". "Normal" in the sense that everything I feel is exacerbated by my screwed up nerve endings that keep dialing things up to eleven. I feel like I've been complaining on Facebook more than usual about it, which in turn makes me feel bad because I don't like to endlessly whine about the pain.

The worst part of this is that the Disabled Guy doesn't think I'm in as much pain as I am. When I got out of bed last night, after three hours of staring at the ceiling, then the wall, then the other wall, the TV, then my phone, then covering my head with my pillow, turning music on, turning it off, covering and uncovering my feet... I asked if he remembered my first knee replacement, 7 1/2 years ago. He doesn't. He said it was "too long ago". I reminded him that the first TKR caused a year-long fibro episode that was so severe that even my doctor couldn't deny it anymore. I was diagnosed with fibro a year and three months after my first total knee replacement.
So, while this recovery has been leaps and bounds above and beyond anything I ever expected, I still have issues. I've only had a few flareups of fibro pain since the surgery (which was four months and ten days ago), but I'd really like the pain in the squishy human bits around my robot knee to stop. I can walk mostly normal (there's only a slight hitch in my giddy-up, but if I try to walk faster, I outright limp). I can wear real clothes again, just like a real human. I've got a faire this weekend (Stronghold Olde English Faire- photos here) and one next weekend (A Gathering of Rogues & Ruffians- photos here), so I'm going to have some awesome friend-therapy. Honestly, the best part of having my total knee replacement recovery during the Bristol season was how many people I love and adore who made sure I was okay and asked me how I was doing. It was an amazing feeling, to know that people who weren't created with my genes actually cared. (also- my kids were so awesome while I was recovering. Kat and Tyler letting me stay with them, Christine going out of her way to come visit, and Jason- who still lives at home- helped out on a day to day basis).

And, because I shared links to the others- here's the Janesville Faire photos (in May) and the Teslacon photos (which I have in November!).

ZOMBIE ARM!! I mean, the open Carpal Tunnel Release Surgery

I did a video since I'm only able to type one-handed and I think faster than I can type with one hand.  In the video, I mentioned some photos and I'm sharing them here.



 On the way to the hospital... not nervous at all!




At the hospital... still totally not nervous at all...



Snazzy jewelry!



Sexy hospital gown!!



The doctor laughed when I took this photo.



Super-sexy hat!!



ZOMBIE ARM!!

Ice and elevate, Chihuahua is optional. #surgery #carpaltunnel #chihuahua #dogsofinstagram #dog

A photo posted by Pahz (@pahz_on_instagram) on Jan 22, 2016 at 4:29pm PST

Ice, elevate, two chis- for extra healing power. #surgery #dogsofinstagram #dog #carpaltunnel #chihuahua

A photo posted by Pahz (@pahz_on_instagram) on Jan 23, 2016 at 12:20pm PST

Well... this is a blog post.

As my last post mentioned, I had to get a test done- EMG. WELL... turns out, that's one of the MANY things that the VA hospital will not see me for- and for good reason, really. I'm not a veteran. I'm the spouse of a 100% service-connected disabled veteran. While I can get almost everything I need done at the VA, there are a few specialties that they won't cover because they're high demand for actual veterans. And that's fine. What's not fine is that the list of things they will and will not cover changes often. I never know what's going to come up as not covered. BUT- the VA doctors can give me a consultation letter to see a non-VA doctor and the CHAMPVA insurance will pay for it like any other health insurance (meaning we have a cost-share and deductible).

So, that call I was waiting to make that I mentioned before? That was the Patient Administrative Services calling to tell me they weren't going to let me see a rheumatologist because they couldn't allow me to be a "new patient". Except I'm not a "new patient". I saw the rheumatology clinic for my fibro diagnosis and initial treatment. Then they kicked me back to my GP for the maintenance care. If I had been to the rheumatology within the last two years, I'd be allowed back... but their policy to kick me back to the GP... you see the circle-jerk in that whole thing? Yeah.

Anyway, after I got off the phone with them, I called the GP clinic and told them that I'd need a consultation letter. When I got the letter, I called the local place I go to when I need to- and it turns out, you don't even SEE a rheumatologist for this in the real world! I had to go to an ortho. The good thing is, the ortho I had to see is in the same office as my knee doctor. So, from that visit, I was scheduled for the EMG on January 14th. Then this morning, I got a call saying they had a cancellation for this afternoon.

One piece of advice- do NOT Google "Does an EMG for carpal tunnel hurt?" because you will find the scary stories from people who were either exaggerating or complete and total wimps. The test wasn't painful, really, just uncomfortable. And kind of weird. There are needles involved but the needle thing didn't even hurt. The weird cattle prod thingy- that was worse than the needles.

Basically, they put these sensors on your hands in different places and then use that weird cattle prod thingy to send a jolt through various nerves from different places in your arm/wrist. After that, there is a session with a needle in specific places to test muscle activity and such. You get to hear your muscles. I didn't even know my muscles made noise. And let me tell you, mine were noisy bastards!

Because I'm me, I took some photos. But because I'm not an asshole, I won't show you the photos without warning. They'll be in links. Click them if you want to, but I will tell you what they are before you click it.

This is the machine used in the EMG.

This is my hand with some of the senor doodads on it (they move those around at different points of the test).

This is the needle being held up by the doctor so I could take a photo. It is a really thin needle and I barely felt the needle at all.

This is that same needle in my forearm. The doctor took this photo with my phone for me. There is no blood or anything, just the super-thin needle in my arm.

This is the bruise I got in my biceps on my left arm. I don't think I have any other bruises and it doesn't even hurt.

Now see? That wasn't so bad! And if you need one of these, don't worry! You can't even see them putting the needle into your muscle and I could barely feel it.

As for the results of this test- I have severe nerve damage in both hands. I am definitely going to have surgery for it because I really don't have much of a choice at this point. And because my nerve damage is so severe, I will probably always have numbness in some of my fingers. The surgery will help, but it can't fix what's so far gone.

NOW... a little discussion about the fibro thing. Because of the holiday or because I miscounted- I was without my fibro medication for three straight days. I took my last pill on Sunday night. On Monday, when it didn't come in the mail, I decided to give it one more day, because of the holiday. On Tuesday, when it didn't come, I called the VA. It turns out it was mailed out on Monday afternoon. I got it today. However, I couldn't take it till I got home from all the running around I had to do today. So, I did the EMG, I drove home to pick up the Disabled Guy to drive him to Rockford. Oh, yeah- last Thursday (New Year's Eve), he was driving down a road and a woman pulled out in front of him. He was going about 45 MPH and had no stop signs or lights. She was turning left onto the road from a stop sign. How she didn't see the full-size pickup truck with running lights is beyond me. He's fine, but his truck has been officially totaled.

So for the last week, I've been dealing with insurance companies, chauffeuring the Disabled Guy around, juggling my doctor appointments with his anti-coagulation appointment, AND dealing with life without fibro medicine. Let me tell you- I'd forgotten how much this disease sucks without that medicine. And stress suuuuuucks even harder. So, today, I had to drive a half hour to one town to be zapped and prodded and stabbed, then drive the half hour home, get the Disabled Guy, drive forty minutes to where his truck had been towed to get his big-ass toolbox that was mounted in the bed of his truck, then drive him the forty minutes home, and THEN go to the grocery store. Then... I had to cook dinner.

But I digress... or do I? I'm not sure what I'm doing. I'm on my full amount of nighttime medication right now. Let me sum it up a little...

Good news: I was moved up a whole week to get the EMG.

Bad news: I have severe and permanent nerve damage in my hands. (in case you forgot, I kind of use my hands for, well, everything. But most importantly, I use my hands for photography).

Goo- No, wait... bad news: I have to have surgery.

Good- No, wait, still bad news: the Disabled Guy's truck is totaled, we have to wait for the insurance company to settle things with the lien holder before we can get him a new vehicle.

Good news: (no, really!) it should only be a couple weeks before we get the check from the insurance company to get a new truck.

Bad news: I have to put up with the Disabled Guy not driving himself around for another few weeks. He can't drive my vehicle because it isn't big enough for him to tuck his disabled half out of the way so he can reach everything with his un-disabled half.

Good-Bad news: The recovery time from a carpal tunnel surgery can take up to three months. The reason that's good-bad is that I have plenty of time between now and May (the Janesville Ren Faire), but the bad part is that because of my fibro, recovery time may be longer.

 To end on a better note, here are some macro photos I took of some flowers (I bought myself a bouquet of flowers from the grocery store and a couple days later, a friend dropped by and gave me a Yule basket of goodies and some flowers). Also, I took some really cool photos of the Disabled Guy's train set. If you'd like to see those- here's a link. Some were taken with my phone, some with my camera. (the camera shots are awesome!).

And now, on to the flower macros! I took the two flower vases outside while the sun was still out to get a handful of photos. The sunlight was filtered through some thin, white clouds.