Gravity is a harsh mistress- The Tick

The Tick- the live action version- was a fantastic show. I have it, in its entirety, on DVD. You should get it and watch it. Its priceless.

The last few days, something has finally occurred to me. And I've actually posted about this before... apparently I forgot that this is just a fact of life now.  Gravity fucking sucks. I don't know who had that great idea, but it fucking sucks. Let me explain...

The other day, I was exhausted in the middle of the afternoon. It happens. I don't like to take a late-day nap but sometimes, the body demands it. So, I went to my room, stripped off my jeans and crawled into bed. I crashed for an hour and ten minutes (I set an alarm). Then I fell back to sleep for another ten minutes. When I finally decided to get up, I felt as if I was being pulled down. All my muscles ached as if I'd been stretched, then released. I could barely stand up. I pulled on my too-big yoga pants and shuffled downstairs.

I spent the rest of the night, shuffling around like a little old man, and lamenting the kids these days. The next morning wasn't much better.

Today, I started to get tired in the middle of the day again. I had two choices- go do the dishes or go watch the shows I've had on the DVR for the last few weeks. You see, I'm a bit of a jousting nut. I know you probably don't believe me, but its true. I like jousting. There have been two TV shows in recent months. One- "Knights of Mayhem"- it was terrible. I called it "Jersey Faire". I couldn't get past three episodes. So much poorly edited, badly scripted "reality". The other one is "Full Metal Jousting". To be honest, I don't give a flying fuck who wins the show. I don't care. I just like watching the horses and the joust itself (and I swear, if I have to hear someone compliment a 12-year veteran of theatrical jousting on his lance control, I might have to punch a baby. He's good at lance control because he's been, you know, controlling lances for twelve goddamn years).

But I digress...

So, today, I chose to kill a few brain cells and see what was going on with the divas of the jousting world. I sat on the sofa, I fast-forwarded through the commercials and most of the talking (like I said, I like the actual jousting parts)... so I was sitting still for a little over an hour. I watched two episodes of the four I had on the DVR (so I'm still not caught up, but I don't care). When it came time for me to get up, I could barely lift myself up. All my muscles were stretched- or seemingly stretched.

Gravity fucking hurt. I could barely walk, much less walk up the stairs- which is where I needed to be. I dragged my feet, almost literally. I had trouble taking a regular step. I don't know how else to describe it other than to say I was being pulled to the floor by a very tenacious dwarf.

I'm still heavy feeling. My muscles are achy and they feel like they're burning. Oh, that's a familiar discussion, I know I've bitched about that before. It hurts to turn my head from side to side. But not like I have a crick in my neck, more like my shoulder and neck muscles lost a tug-of-war battle with a tenacious dwarf. A really tenacious dwarf who knows all my stress points and hits every one of them as he drags me to the floor. "You're a lousy housewife! You're husband abandoned you! Those boots you're wearing look like combat boots! Your kids' mother wears combat boots!"

The good news is that while I was still not feeling terrible- because at this point, I can't call it "feeling good"- I made chili in the crock pot, so dinner is taken care of tonight. The sink is full of dishes though. I wonder how hard it would be to train the dogs to do the dishes. And I mean do them properly, not just put them on the floor and let them lick them clean...

Wait, that does seem a little more convenient.

Oh stop groaning, I'm not going to do that.

Again.