I'm very lucky.
Believe it or not.
I'm lucky that I don't suffer from depression related to my fibro. I don't actually suffer from depression at all. And quite obviously, I use humor to cope with a lot of things. That may be why a lot of the drugs that work for other people don't work for me- because sometimes they prescribe mild anti-depressants for fibro pain.
And, with my experience in "Let's use drugs on people who don't have the problem the drug treats", I'm glad that all I can say happened was some extra edema. (for those who don't know, my "let's use drugs..." experience is from the Disabled Guy. His stroke was a result of a blood clotting disorder he acquired during his time in the Army- specifically his time during Operation Desert Storm wherein he took a pill every single day that was never approved for use on healthy people. It was called the "PB pill" and at the moment, I can't think of the name of the disorder it treated. But that, combined with several other drug/chemical things was a cocktail of "Fuck you, Soldier" for a lot of troops over there).
So, at least my brain isn't screwing with me. Sure, I do get sad. I get sad when I think about how my mom is gone- but I try not to think of her that way. I try to remember the good stuff because she'd be a-mockin' me if she knew I was wallowing in the other. That sounds mean, but you'd have to know us.
Right now, I'm focusing on being stiff- hence the title. I'm not really focusing on it, but its something I've been paying attention to lately. As long as I'm sitting in my computer chair, it isn't much of an issue. But if I sit in a soft and comfy chair or on the sofa for an extended period- that is to say, more than ten minutes- I can barely move when I go to get up. Not only do all my muscles just tighten up, gravity increases and forces me to fight to regain vertical positioning. (oh hey, I said "positioning" too; of course you knew that, Gutter brain).
Normally, I only bitch when I have a flareup. Because flareups suck and can last for days. But I'm having this muscle stiffness (hur-hur) even when I'm not having a flareup. I don't know why sitting upright in my computer chair is so different than sitting upright in a regular chair, but it is. I do have some stiff muscles in my computer chair, but I also have the arms of the chair for support when I go to stand up.
I've tried things, like before I go to get up, flexing my muscles a little at a time, to sort of trick myself into believing I wasn't stiff (hur!). It is at its worst in the morning. That's right, I have morning stiffness. This morning (that would be Monday, April 23 to all you slackers who aren't reading this the very moment I post it), I woke up and then just laid there for ten minutes. I started at my feet and worked my way up to my neck. And it didn't really help. And gravity was such a bitch, too.
The thing I miss so far about what fibrofuckingmyalgia has taken from me is my usual morning self. I used to be the morning person. My feet hit the floor and I was ON! It didn't matter what time of the day it was that I awoke. Even when I worked nights, I was still cheerful in the afternoon when I woke up. Now I'm one of those eye-rolling, growling, get-out-of-the-way-my-caffeine-is-in-there-I-will-kill-you people.
But, this week hasn't been all bad. And if you're on my Facebook, you know why.
What is it?
HAT! Of course!
I got my ren faire hat. This was a Mother's Day gift to myself. Custom made to my giant head measurements. Part of the "giant head" thing is because of all this hair. Here is the shop where I ordered it: Pixie Stixx on Etsy But I digress and I have photos.
A hat of this awesomeness can only be worn at a jaunty and saucy angle.
I got two hat pins- a yellow and black one for Sir Maxmillian.- no more Sad Sir Maxx during the parade.
And a red and black one for Sir Mauldron!
I asked on my Facebook status if wearing both feathers together would be overkill... ostentatious... obnoxious. Turns out, it is none of those things. No, no... two feathers in a hat like this- IS FABULOUS!