Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Each flare-up is like a new adventure!

An adventure!? 

That sounds fun!! 

Can I come along?! 

Wow, you always have the most fun EVER! An adventure! Whew! I wish I was you, crazy lady. 

Today's flareup is a continuation of something that's been going on for about three days now. This is an all-over-muscle-stiffness flareup. I feel as though my muscles are being pulled tight to the point of burning. I can't turn my head to the side very well, which comes in super-handy while driving. Everything hurts. My clothes hurt my skin. My cross-body purse strap hurt my shoulder, my cleavage and my back. . Walking hurt. Pushing the cart (trolley) at the grocery store hurt. Sunglasses on my goddamn face hurt.

Picking up a 16.9 ounce water bottle hurt. Walking up the stairs- which I have to do if I want to go to the loo, yes, I said "loo", deal with it- took so much energy I had to rest at the top before I continued the three whole steps to the bathroom. (THERE! HAPPY NOW, AMERICAN DEVIL!)

I sat on the sofa for less than a half hour and when I tried to get up, it took three tries to beat gravity. Three tries. I should be glad I got up on that third try. After the third attempt, the judges automatically disqualify you from the event.

Wow. That doesn't sound much like an adventure. That sounds pretty miserable. I- I don't think I want to come along. 

I didn't think you would. That's okay. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. And that says a lot, because being a superhero the way I am, I have a few extremely sinister enemies. Archenemies, would be the right word. Supervillains. Don't worry about me, though. I'll be fine as long as they don't have an meteorites from Planet Fibromyalgiaaan. Our speaking language is a lot like English, except we shout it angrily and usually high-pitched. Shrieking. That's how we speak. We shriek. Its just an odd coincidence that your language of "English" sounds the same as ours from the planetary system: "Chronicosius Illnesseans".

What? You did know I wasn't human, right? I mean, no human could put up with this bullshit. Of course I'm a super-powered alien from a different planetary system.

I leave you with a photo.  I was doing my 365 and Gypsy came outside with me. And she decided to be adorable and I decided to take a photo. Enjoy.

Gypsy in the sunset

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