Thursday, February 20, 2014

And then the ANGELS started SINGING!

I had my podiatrist appointment today. And the pain has been never-ceasing. Worse upon standing, mornings are such hell that I've actually cried. And leading up to my appointment, I went back in this blog and read about my hot spots and to see when I started loudly complaining about this foot. And it seems that my hot spot issues were probably caused by this damn heel.

So, just like any other day, I dragged myself around my morning, drove the 25 minutes to the doctor's office (Not the VA hospital, the VA hospital doesn't see me for podiatry), and limped my way into the building. (then to the elevator, then to the office itself). I hadn't been to that office in four years and that time was when the doctor gave me the dandy shoe inserts that I still use today (because they're still functional and doing their job).

After all the usual stuff (blood pressure, weight, etc), the doctor comes in and yes, he's still as attractive as he was back then (a little fact I'd forgotten about) and he still needs a haircut. But I digress...

After listening to my story of the pain (OH THE PAIN), and how it started bothering me at least in September, he had me get my foot all naked and then he folded the hem of my jeans up... MY ANKLE WAS SHOWING! Scandalous! It didn't take much poking for me to almost leap off the table with the pain (OH THE PAIN!). He said, very cautiously, as if I were going to object, that he'd like to put an injection in my foot of- and I said: "Yes, let's do that. Right now. I'm ready..." That's right, I didn't let him finish.

You see, in 2009, I had my left knee replaced. And I had this pain (OH THE PAIN) in my right foot. While I was under anesthesia, Doctor Attractive came into the room and put some kind of injection in my right foot. I knew this because there was a band-aid on my foot and when I took it off, I could clearly see the injection mark. The big tip-off came when I stood up for the first time and my foot didn't hurt. Of course, at that particular moment, I was preoccupied with the blinding and freakish pain that was my knee replacement. I was also trying not to fall flat on my face because I was two units low on blood.  But I managed to get through my recovery and all the years since without a major flareup of the plantar fasciitis.

So yeah, when Doctor Attractive suggested an injection, I was all for it. Plus, it would be a lot easier and not nearly as messy as cutting off my foot and growing a new one.

What I had injected into my foot was a mixture of anti-inflammatories and Novocain. (I don't know if it was actual Novocain or a Novocain-like substance. Doctor Attractive is the type to scale back his fancy talk for us normal folks without the medical degrees). Now, let me share some photos. And the description of the ordeal will be among the photos.

This is my foot. Well, my feet, but you know, the naked one is the one with the issues. My ankle is mostly obscured by the angle of the photo and my jeans.  DON'T STARE AT MY BARE ANKLE, YOU PERVS!

Before he jammed pushed the needle into my foot, he cleaned it and blasted it with a spray that made it really cold. Then he grasped my foot and said, "You'll feel a light pinch now..." and that's when the gaping maw of Hell opened and Satan himself spit directly onto my foot.

I expressed that I was indeed feeling some pain.

Then he pushed the needle in further. And I expressed my pain, again. And I said: "Wow, that shit hurts. I'm glad I was unconscious last time."

After the Devil's spit area stopped burning, the inside of my foot exploded in a symphony of What-the-fucking-hell-man!? as he pushed the contents of the syringe into my foot. When he pulled the needle out and pressed the cotton to my injection site, it didn't hurt. Then he put a band-aid on it. And it didn't hurt.

He said that we humans (for the most part, all of us) have a few centimeters of soft tissue between the outside of our foot to the tendon that is inflamed. (he even showed me on a skeleton foot he had with him, but I'd put my phone away by then) and once "you push past the smooth easy tissue and hit a bit that starts crunching, you've hit the inflamed area..."

Let me show you the needle. And that's his hand... obviously, because I have freakishly small hands for an adult.

That's pretty damn big... how big? "About an inch and a half" was the answer. And how far of that was jammed pushed into my foot?

After a few minutes of him explaining to me that today should be good because of the Novocain, but tomorrow I might backslide a bit while it takes full effect (because it all depends on how your body reacts to injections. You might not be sore and bruised from a flu shot, but your neighbor might need his arm amputated because its gone gangrenous), he left and I put my sock and boot back on...


No pain in my foot. NO PAIN.

So, here we are, hours later and there is some soreness in the injection area. But it is absolutely nothing compared to the white-hot blinding pain that I had before.

The doctor also liked my boots. He liked my boots the last time, too (the same boots, well, the same style, newer pair, of course). He even said the same thing he said last time- that he could tell I actually wore my boots and didn't just buy a new pair to pretend like I wore them. (apparently, some women wear high heels, get foot problems and then wear flats to his office like he wouldn't be able to tell they spent hours a day in heels). And when he told me: "See if you can find yourself some boots with a slight heel to them, that will help a lot", I took that to mean: "Patty, I can tell you love your boots, but if you had some with a slight heel, you'd be much happier, so you have my professional medical advice to buy yourself another pair of Dr Martens boots- with a slight heel." That's how you translated it, right?

Now if we can get the weather to stop triggering my fibrofuckingmyalgia, I might be able to lose the weight I gained over the winter (I lost almost 30 pounds last summer and its all back now).

The best part was that I was visibly limping when I arrived and when I walked out- I was not. I walked like all you normal people out there. And those of you who aren't normal but are trying to appear normal... I was walking like that... instead of limping.

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