Tuesday, February 25, 2014

I handled it like a PRO!

I've had a few reasonable days since I had that needle jammed into my foot. I mean, no more or no less pain. Nothing to report, really, just normal stuff. The bottom of my foot still has that stone-bruise feel to it and upon standing first thing in the morning, I still want to scrape out the inside of my foot, but that feeling goes away after I drag my leg behind me to the other room. (I'm going to wait a full week before I decide if this whole event was a fail or not).

So, today, after turning off my "Good morning, time to get up alarm", followed about ten minutes later by my "Hey, you better get up" alarm and then my "GET OUT OF BED!" alarm and the "WAKE THE FUCK UP! GO TAKE YOUR PILLS" alarm, I decided I should probably get up... and I turned to roll my body into the sitting-up position only to be met with the searingly white-hot lava pain of a flareup in my left hip. Great. I finally get done favoring my left foot only to have my left hip decide to be a hot spot.

The weird thing about this flareup/hot-spot pain is that it only seems to cause me blindingly tearful pain when I move. If I don't move- and I mean at all- it doesn't hurt. But the moment I try to shift my gravitational pull in any minuscule amount, the muscles in that hip scream out in terror like they just saw a thousand spiders all at the same time. I audibly groaned as I stood up. I turned slightly and gorilla-walked along the edge of my bed.

What? You don't know what gorilla-walking is? Of course you do. You know how gorillas walk, hunched over, using their hands (in a fist) on the ground. Well, I do that in the mornings, using my bed. I walk sideways like that because, duh, the bed.

When I stood in the bathroom and put on my giant "I shoot RAW" T-shirt, my hip didn't hurt. But the second I shifted my weight to put my too-big yoga pants on, that white-hot pain seared through my hip. And it is the entire hip- from where my actual waist begins to the top of my leg where the hip gives way into the thigh.

So, quite obviously, I'm going to take it easy. I have to- according to the experts who say: "Take it easy during a flareup. Take it easy the day after a flareup. Take it easy if you feel like a flareup is coming on. Take it easy on those days when you feel good because you might trigger a flareup." I drag my body through my morning routine and I even take a morning nap.

That's all I've been doing today- taking it easy. I decided to take on this day, using the tools that I know will work in making me feel better- because (you'll love this), my new doctor didn't give me the usual annual refills on my pain meds. I called in my refill like always only to realize there was no refill on this one (there should be 12 months worth of refills).

So, after I had lunch, I decided to tackle this hot spot pain with a liberal helping of ice cream. I followed that mid-afternoon ice cream with a several hour session of sitting on the loveseat, covered in Chis, and watching whatever there was on cable because I left the Blu-ray player remote on the shelf above the TV. I tried to remain as still as possible, but as with anything that has a gravitational pull, I had to move a little bit, now and then. And each movement was met with that fiery agony radiating from my left hip. Using a cane is useless because I'm not having trouble supporting myself on this leg, I'm having trouble when I try to move this leg. You'd be surprised how important moving joints are to the act of walking.

Several hours after sitting on the loveseat, covered in Chis (and at one point, a German Shepherd), I had to get up. It was pure agony, but I got to my feet. I walked as slowly as I could without actually standing still and fed the dogs and fixed myself some dinner. I decided to go easy and for comfort food. (by the way, Erik, Enchilada Surprise and sour cream- DELICIOUS. Guacamole test is pending). And along the way, I put on my wicked-cool Wonder Woman crush cap.

None of this worked on the pain. I took a nap, then after the ice cream but before the dinner, I took a short nap (sitting up on the loveseat, covered in Chis, watching "Payback" on cable- good movie, by the way).  I looked fabulous, I ate delicious food, and I had warm and soft animals who care that I can't feed them if I die to look after me. And none of it worked.

I was "taking it easy" and it didn't do any damn good at all. I mean, I enjoyed mid-afternoon ice cream and the luxurious cheese-covered and sour-cream-topped dinner was fabulous, but I can't continue this type of routine every single day. I'm already the size of a smart car, if I kept that up every day, I'd be the size of one of those tiny houses.

The worst part of it is that as soon as I finish typing this, I'm going to need to get up and get something to drink. I'm already done with the water I brought in here a couple hours ago. Maybe if I keep typing, I won't have to get up so soon. I mean, I am a little thirsty and this water is almost gone, but if I keep adding words to this blog post, I won't have to get up right away. I should just keep type-type-typing away... That makes total sense, doesn't it? Go on, answer me, I'll wait...

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