Cough-cough-cough! *brushes dust off blog*

I'd like to apologize for not updating this like I should. I mean, I kept thinking about it, then I'd think- "Nah, let's wait till after _____" and then after whatever happened, I'd think about updating... and then no, let's wait till... I was a week behind uploading my photos to Flickr, then eventually two weeks... and well, things got busy.

First off- the generic Cymbalta is still a big help. It isn't perfect, but the good outweighs the bad by a huge margin, so I'll take it!

There is no news to report about the left half of my left foot. It still acts stupid and refuses to have any kind of reasonable conversation with me about why it keeps acting like a dumbass.

The bad news is that my human knee- the right one, which, incidentally is the wrong one- hurts now. I carried a cane with me at my last two faires (Stronghold- photos here; and A Gathering of Rogues & Ruffians-
  photos here and all the Bristol photos are here) and used it a little. And since my last blog post, I actually had my son go to faire with me. I was shocked! And he enjoyed himself! He went to Bristol three or four times with me and even came to GRR with me.

On Week 7 of Bristol, both my son and older daughter came to faire. She's been there before, but hadn't been for a few years. So my son got to have more fun because he didn't have to hang out with gimpy ol' me and Kat showed him around and they saw a lot of good shows.

Left to right- Kat, Jason, Christine
Christine is a stage manager at Bristol.

Jason's first time at Bristol was Week 2- and he learned that it is both awesome and a curse when your mom and sister are on the inside of the faire. This is Cameron from Barely Balanced. I've known them for a few years now. On this day, I made sure to introduce Jason to Jimmy ("Large"), and Margret ("Small"), but didn't get a chance to talk to Cameron ("Medium") till right before the show- like less than a minute before he went on stage. And he took right off with it and made Jason come up and help him. All the photos are here... 

Cameron said: "Where's your mom?" and pointed at me.
Then he exclaimed: "Profile photo!" 

Okay, I've gotten away from my point. That happens when you ask me about the faire. What do you mean you didn't ask? Of course you did! I clearly remember you saying: "Hey, Patty, we haven't heard from you since August... how was faire?" Don't deny it. If you didn't ask, then why did I go off on that tangent with photos? Yeah, obviously your fault! So, back to the topic...

In all of my updates and doctor visits, I never complained about my hands. I've had problems with carpal tunnel syndrome (I don't even think they call it that anymore) for more than 20 years. I started off wearing a wrist brace on my right hand- but not all the time. Just when I needed it. Then it became an every-night thing. Then my left hand joined the mutiny and for over ten years, I've slept almost every night with two wrist braces. In 2007, the VA hospital gave me new braces because the ones I had were the slightly bent kind and nowadays, (or thenadays, I guess) the braces are flat. I actually have trouble falling asleep if I'm not wearing my wrist braces. 

Several months ago, the numb-tingling in my hands got worse. And worse. A few weeks ago (or a little longer, I don't recall exact dates here), the thumb, index, and middle fingers on my left hand went numb and haven't come back at all. My right hand comes and goes in varying intensity, but the left hand... gone. I called the VA to schedule an appointment, because the doctor always said to do that- if anything changed. The scheduling department transferred me to the "nurse help desk". They took a list of my symptoms and then said they'd call back. They did and made me an appointment for the very next day. I nearly died of shock at that because damn, that's fast! 

Well, it turns out that I'm looking at surgery to fix this. Today, I missed a call from the VA and have to call back in the morning (I didn't see the message when I got home around 3-ish. I saw it at 4:05 PM and they close at 4). The doctor had to refer me to the Rheumatology clinic for steroid shots to help with my hands. They're also referring me to the neurology clinic for a "nerve conduction test". When she asked if I'd had one before, I said I wasn't sure. She replied: "You'd remember, there are needles and they poke you in your arm..." nope, never had one. Sounds fun though! 

So, hopefully all that will fix what's going on inside my hands. Because not having feeling in my fingers and hands sucks, but not as much as what happens when I use them too much. Like, you know, doing my hair, putting on makeup, brushing my teeth, doing dishes, cooking dinner, and something I obviously never do- typing. What happens then is that my thumb, index, and middle fingers on both hands go completely numb, a thousand tiny hairy-legged spiders start burrowing around under the skin, and sharp, stabbing pain shoots around my hand and down to my wrist. (as I type now, the numbness, itching, and pain are quite mild. But I'm also two hours past all my pain drugs, so bleeeeeehhhhhhh...) 

And now, let's switch back to some photos. What photos? Well, Teslacon, of course. I ended up using my cane for that entire weekend. I was resentful about that, but in all honesty, it did help. Plus, my friends made sure I got to sit down a lot. Because they're cool. First of all, all the photos are here. Secondly, they made space for me again, so I was able to take cast photos. 

And, here are some of those photos! For anyone wondering- we did this against a black curtain that was already in the room. I used my flash with a remote trigger, on a light stand with a large umbrella to diffuse the light. I took this photo from across the room. But now- on to a bunch of the cast photos!

Without these things, I would probably have gone off the deep end...

**Spoiler Alert**
When I got done adding the photos to the end of this blog post, my mood was so much better than when I started typing it. So, I got that going for me right now.
**End Spoiler**

My doctor called me on Tuesday. I was considering calling them, adding up in my head how long I'd been on this new medicine (Amatriptyline) and wondering "How long can I go through this before we say THIS drug isn't working?" when she actually called me. It startled me because the VA switchboard number doesn't have an assigned ringtone and the noise is that of an old-timey rotary dial phone's ring. Startled me so much that I almost fell out of my chair. (that's only a slight exaggeration).

She asked how things were going, how I felt, if I had any side effects... I told her that I was thinking about calling to ask: "How long do I have to be on this to decide if it isn't working" and what my very mild side effects were. She said we were going to up the dosage from a single tablet to a tablet-and-a-half. (10 mgs to 15 mgs). She also said that when I start the 15, I should cut down on my muscle relaxers. So, I only took one on the first night I took a pill-and-a-half. On the second day, I didn't take one in the morning (my usual dose is one in the morning, two at night). The next day, I could barely move. I had a severe case of "Batman neck" and I had it not just in my neck, but in my shoulders, elbows, wrists and my ankles. Like I said, I could barely move.

That night, I went back to the two muscle relaxers and the next morning, I took another... I'm not going to up the dose of the Amatriptyline till I get the proper prescription in the mail (also because I don't want to run out suddenly by using up MORE of what I have).

So, I've been miserable anyway, but last week and this week have been astoundingly terrible. I had a ren faire this weekend- Stronghold- and it was VERY chilly. It was fantastic, but damn cold. (I actually spent money on an actual cloak- on sale, helluva good deal). Hey, I actually have a photo of me wearing it...

~Taken by Chad Britt~

Chad took that shot from inside the castle. I had just finished up a little shoot with the guys from Cutlass Cooking (they had so few photos of themselves that weren't on stage). I want to mention here- on Sunday, I completely forgot to grab the SD card I need for my camera. Partly from lack of sleep, partly from the flareup, partly from the pain meds, but totally my own fault. I was contemplating driving to the nearest town and buying a new one when I spotted someone from Bristol. His name is Stephen and he loaned me a 64 GB memory card so I would be able to remain useful at Stronghold. (and it is now in my belt pouch so I don't forget to give it back to him this weekend!).

Anyway, where was I? Oh, that's right, bitching about this stupid disease and lack of treatment that works at all. I spent all day Sunday (which is when that photo was taken) with a full-blown flareup. One of the other photographers made a comment as to why I'd go out in the cold air if I felt so bad. I said: "I could feel like shit at home and do nothing or I could come here and feel like shit with people I love and enjoy being around... so yeah, it wasn't a hard choice."

Without the faire and those friends to look forward to, this would be unbearable. This week, the fibro flareup triggered a flareup of the tendinitis in my shoulder. I had sharp, stabbing pain radiating from my upper back (slightly to the right of my spine), down to my shoulder where it turned into a burning pain, down to my elbow and wrist, where it mimicked the pain of having sprained said joints. Because of that pain- ALL THE PAIN- I was sleeping like an actual baby. A colicky baby with the power of speech. I woke up approximately four-hundred-thirty-seven times an hour (that's an estimate). I tried to take a nap each day (in the morning, because being upright and conscious suuuuuu-uuuuuuu-uuuuuucked so very much) and on Wednesday, when I hadn't taken any muscle relaxers, I dozed on and off for this nap thing... and I woke up crying. I remember dreaming about floating on a cloud-like bed, telling my friends, Ansel and Tabitha, that I almost felt comfortable and thanking them for letting me stay in their basement (for the record, they live in an apartment and while I saw Tabitha on Saturday, I haven't seen Ansel since Bristol). In the dream, Tabitha handed me something and when I reached for it, the pain shot through my shoulder and upper back. I woke up crying and with the faint sounds of Tabitha's Bristol character telling me not to do that again.

Pain does weird shit to your brain.

So, without having the faire to look forward to, the subsequent photo-editing that followed, muscle relaxers, Vicodin, and my friends, I don't know what I would have done the last few weeks. It just all runs together for me. I don't even remember the last time I felt really good. I do have vague memories of the blog posts where I was hopeful that the Effexor was working and that I'd felt "okay".

You know, I'm not even asking to be pain-free. I don't even expect to ever be pain-free again, not 100%, anyway. I just want to be able to do the stuff I enjoy doing and seeing the people I enjoy seeing. Looking back on how my life has evolved with the faire, I'm so glad this stupid disease didn't start causing me problems before Faire Life. Before this, I had nothing. I had the kids and the disabled spouse. We didn't do anything, we didn't go anywhere. I knew a few people- other parents at the kids' school(s), but we didn't do things together. And the few times I DID do something with another parent (and our kids, like a deranged Brady Bunch), it was because that parent needed an extra adult in the situation (like renting canoes and taking a day trip down the Wisconsin River and going to museums in Milwaukee). That was actually the beginning of the issues- I remember coming back from a museum trip in Milwaukee and my foot had swelled up inside my shoe. I wrote a review for the IMAX movie we saw and mentioned in the review how I was sitting at my desk with my foot in a bucket of ice water.

And now? Now I have three small faires, the one big faire, and the number one Steampunk convention on my list of "things to do". Plus, I've been to Chicago more times in a year than I ever had been in my entire life.

Anyway... I have a faire tomorrow- A Gathering of Rogues & Ruffians in New Glarus. And, in a few weeks, I have Teslacon.  I have "official photographer" status for GRR, but not at Teslacon. I'm unofficially the photographer there...

The renaissance faire.

The people who are in my life because of the ren faire.

Pain medication.

Photography.

These are things I can't live without.

And maybe you can see why I enjoy being with these people...

And now... some photos!

~Link to the whole album~


Some of the guys from the Guild of St. Michael.

Then they had some fun.

One of the kids' shows did a treasure hunt and we're pretty sure that's what this "Y" is about... but Sir Francis Drake ponders... Why?

I got to follow the Queen's Court around for a couple hours and we ended up on the roof of the castle (the roof of the archway, actually, not the WHOLE roof).

Carlo Tuzzio and Caesar

Tabitha! As a patron!

This is a photo of JUST the nobility and their "staff"... this doesn't include the GSM (military) or any of the stage acts.



The last photo I took on Sunday- my 365... Day 234 of year 5. (that's my daughter with the red skirt and blue and brown shawls and her boyfriend next to her, wearing my cloak).



And for fun- my Steampunk Wonder Woman outfit that all started with a hat...

So, we're on a month with the new drug now...

This is going to be just a quick update. It's almost 10 PM here and I have to get up tomorrow for faire. It sounds silly because I get up at the same time every day, but on days I have to go somewhere (like faire), I don't go back to bed. I just stay awake.

So... this is a month, according to my drug-addled mathematics when I eye The Jousters calendar on my wall. And, I think it's going pretty well.

I still feel a bit woozy if I take the new pill on an empty stomach, so I usually have a granola bar or a piece of fruit when I take it in the morning on faire days. (on non-faire days, I take it when I eat breakfast). Also, at night, after I take all my nightly pain meds, I have trouble remembering what I say or do the next morning. It isn't like I'm stumbling around like some goofy amnesiac patient. I'm fine to the outside world (but not drive-able, not at all), but the next morning, I have trouble with details. People have been cool about reminding me... or they're totally fucking with me. Either way, one of us is having fun... I think. Hopefully it's me.

 I gotta say, though, I think it's working. Aside from a mild day or two, I've felt a lot better. My muscles still have that "day-old workout pain" in them, but only if I exert them (like lifting the big-ass jug of laundry detergent off that stupidly high shelf in the laundry room). I feel pretty good under normal circumstances. I notice the numbness in my foot now, though. My last three toes on my left foot are numb. But they're not totally numb, just the skin. When I wiggle my toes or touch them, I don't feel anything. But if I apply pressure, I can feel that sensation under the initial numbness. I have had a few bouts of "hot spot" pain (that's the intense pain in one location, usually my hip muscle). But hey... small price, right?

Oh, that numbness is caused by peripheral neuropathy. That's a disorder some folks get when they have fibro or some other stupid-as-fuck disease like this. Some people just get it, without that stupid-as-fuck disease... but basically, it's a nerve thing that causes numbness and pain in the hands and feet.

I've been taking a lot less Vicodin lately, which is good. But, a few days ago, I think I went through some withdrawal issues. I had a headache for two days and felt sort of blah. I also think I had a flareup because for those two days, I was brain-dead exhausted. Not sleepy... but that kick-you-in-the-face exhausted. But, since the new medicine is doing what it's supposed to, I've not had as much overall pain.

So, I guess this is "so far, so good" when it comes to the new drug. (if you don't remember, it's a low dose of Effexor. I was a bit concerned because it's an antidepressant and I'm not depressed). I am definitely enjoying the "less pain" part. Not enjoying the "slightly carsick" thing that comes along with it. But hey, that's a small price to pay. And the whole point was to take less pain medicine. I remain hopeful that it'll continue to get better.

Now, this is when I go nuts and share a shit-ton of photos from the first three weeks at Bristol. But like I said, it's almost 10 PM here and I have to go to bed soon. (Oh, that's another thing- this drug makes me sleep like a dead person. So that's a good thing). Instead of packing this post with photos, I'm just going to post the links to the albums on Flickr. This year, I decided to break down the faire photos by each week instead of getting a single album full of three thousand photos.

Oh, I just remembered... I have some non-faire photos to share. Today, I took a bunch of macro shots of bees in my back garden. So I'll throw those up for you to enjoy. After the faire photo links.

Week One

Week Two

Week Three

And here are the bumblebee shots... Enjoy.