The Sometimes Annual Snowfall Rant- SNOW REMOVAL

Hey there! You guys know me. You know I have some medical issues... chronic pain (fibro and rheumatoid arthritis), I've got some foot issues too (tendinitis and plantar fasciitis), there's tendinitis in my shoulder, and I've had both knees replaced (one almost eight years ago, the other about seven months ago). I even had carpal tunnel surgery in both hands! 

And I have weather-induced asthma.
I call this look "Stagecoach Robber Chic"

And if you know me like you do, you know that I have a huuuuge pet peeve. I really, really hate it when people don't clear the snow off their vehicles before driving them. Look, I understand if you're disabled. Heck, I'm very familiar with disabled people.

Well, this one anyway.

Unless you're disabled and without someone to help or recently injured or surgeried up, I get it. Clearing the snow is just hard work. But if you're at all mobile- like me, I still walk with a slight limp. If you can walk and stand, odds are that you can clear the damn snow off your car. Here... look at my vehicle. That's a 2012 Chevrolet Colorado.

His name is Blueberry.

And, in just about ten or fifteen minutes, I made him look like this!

His name is still Blueberry.

But wait! I can hear you say right now: "C'mon, Pahz, I don't have a fancy brush that can reach the top of my vehicle!" Sure, I get you- you live in an area that gets snow on a nearly annual basis. Multiple times a year. I get you, man. Those brushes are long and don't fit in your car very well. But I bet you own something else. Something magical. Something amazing!!

How amazing? This thing is so amazing that you can use it for different things! It sweeps! It pushes dirt around! It doesn't quite get all of that spilled sugar up onto the dustpan! But I guarantee you that it'll get the snow off your vehicle!

What is that item called?

BEHOLD!! THE MIGHTY BROOM!!

"Oh, yeah. I guess I do have one of those," you say, dejectedly.

I took this simple, humble tool. This common kitchen broom and I used it to take THIS:

His name is STILL Blueberry.

And turn it into THIS:

Lightly dusted Blueberry.

And just HOW did a gimpy, pain-filled, asthmatic, slightly bitchy short woman do this?

Well, it was easy, really. I went "outside" and I approached my truck with the broom in my hand and I started at the top of my truck and worked my way down. I know it might be a little scary at first, but trust me, you can do it. I did it. And there was over eight inches of snow on my truck. Even more than that on the parts where it was drifted. I used my hands and my arms to lift the broom and I walked around my vehicle.

I had feet when I started this.

When I was done, I was a little dusted with snow, but I survived it because it isn't a hard thing to do!! You have no excuse. You don't need fancy tools or implements! You can take a simple household broom to achieve the dream. I have faith in you! YOU CAN DO IT!! Go! Go and get your broom! Take it outside! Use it to brush that snow off your car or truck or minivan or full-size van.

If I could fly with this, I wouldn't
need it to clear the snow off my truck.

I don't want you to be alarmed, but you might get some of the snow ON you when you do this. So, dress appropriately for snow-work. Today, I was wearing jeans, shirt, scarf, jacket, my red Docs, and my awesome mittens.

Those mittens are available at the
Sheepskin Shop at the Bristol Renaissance Faire.
You thought I wouldn't mention it in a post about snow, did you?

"I don't think this is a problem," I hear you say. That means that you're part of the problem! You drive around with thick layers of snow all over your vehicle and you don't care that you can cause problems with that snow. It can affect another driver's visibility. It can literally fly off in chunks, hitting other cars. Maybe you'll get lucky and that huge bit of snow on your roof that has melted slightly will come off in one big sheet and hit the ground. That's great! Till the sun goes down and that humble slab of snow-ice freezes and now you have a road hazard. All because you didn't have the same strength and agility as a mildly gimpy, chronic pain-addled, asthmatic, short and fat chick. Or her stroke-disabled husband. Yeah, he can clear his full-sized truck off using a broom and he does it one-handed. I hope you feel bad about that... because all these people should. And, it turns out, in some places, this is against the law. THE LAW. AGAINST IT.

All photos were taken today, on the drive to/from the grocery store. At stop signs and in the parking lot(s) where I stopped my vehicle to get the photos. I get road rage, I don't cause it... I mean, at least I don't try to cause it.

If you click the picture, it'll get bigger.
That's what she said!
This time, she did say that.

Come on, people. Really? REALLY!?

I can hear Mother Nature laughing maniacally right now...

We've had the most screwed up weather this year. We went pretty much from Winter to Summer with only a blip of Spring in between. I had our heat on one day, only to have to flip it to the AC the next. Not an exaggeration. And the rain. So much rain. Right now, my Weather-dot-com page has seven, yes, seven flood warnings. We're safe, so don't worry about that. We live uphill from the river and if it gets so high it reaches us, we'd already be on the ark.

Shockingly, in the past week or two, the near-constant rain and thunderstorms haven't caused me to be in agony. In fact, I haven't "felt" a storm coming in all that time. Normally, a weather front will bring a flareup with it, causing me to whine and awkwardly twitch and outwardly bitch about it. Don't get me wrong, I still have the muscle pain and stiffness. After sitting still for longer than a few minutes, I'm so stiff I can barely move. And I have those hot spots (right now, left hip, left ankle, left foot). And if I try to lift anything, I have that sharp, lactic-acid-like pain in whatever muscle I'm exerting.

That sounds terrible. But it isn't, really. I can function like that and usually I can function like that without the benefit of daytime pain meds. One thing that the ever-changing weather has done for me is keep me utterly exhausted. The fatigue that comes along with fibrofuckingmyalgia is almost zombie-fying. Add to the top of the mind-numbing exhaustion the dogs who are terrified of thunderstorms. The last three nights, Gypsy the German Shepherd who will eat your face has been so freaked out, she pulls the gate down and comes upstairs. She braves the cats to get to my bedroom. Yes, its true. Gypsy will eat a person's face if she perceives them as an intruder and that very same dog is terrified of the cats. Keep your giggling to a minimum, she's sensitive about it.

So, for the last three nights, I've been awakened at various times by a terrified German Shepherd strong-arming (strong-pawing?) a well-set, metal-barred gate to get upstairs. The Chis are afraid of thunder too, but they're also more afraid of the cats than Gypsy. You would be too if the cats were bigger than you. Let's turn you loose in the savanna and see how thrilled you are when a tiger decides you look delicious. Yeah, now you feel bad for laughing at them, don't you? (don't... I laugh at them too).

While it seems I've gotten a respite in the flareup side of things, Mother Nature has given me the zombie exhaustion. And... the itching skin. And this itching isn't just that "millions of hairy-legged tiny spiders trying to breakdance out of my body through my skin" feeling. No, this millions of hairy-legged, breakdancing spiders are also on fire. My skin feels hot to me, but when I actually touch it with my hand, it feels normal.

Since the dogs woke me up at 3 AM today, I'm going back to bed for a nap. (and it isn't even 6 AM here yet!).

One thing that Mother Nature's menopausal mood swings have brought is macro raindrop photos. Enjoy. I know I enjoyed the momentary distraction from the fibro to shoot them. (there are more, if you click the photo, it'll take you to my Flickr where most of my photos are).

Mutant powers aren't all they're cracked up to be...

I've said it a few times- my superhero power is fast healing. That accounts for my ugly scars and the fact my knee healed so quickly after my knee replacement that the doctor had to knock me out and bend my knee for me. He described it as: "Snap, crackle, and pop" as the adhesions (sort of like scar tissue) were broken up as he forced my knee to bend to 90° (up till that point, it had been going to around 70° with help, 50-ish in its normal state).

I've had a hellish week. Maybe longer, I don't even know anymore. I trudge on because what else can I do? On the days I don't have to leave the house, I take my Vicodin on a six-hour cycle. The days I have to leave the house, I don't.

You all know the drill... aching muscles, focused pain in different parts. On top of all that, my skin is aching. The shower hurts. The water hitting me feels like hot needles jamming into my skin. I can't tolerate the tiny dogs stepping on me. It feels like someone is jamming a rod into my muscle when teeny-tiny, four-pounds-on-a-good-day Beefy steps onto my lap. I've been swelling for over a week now, too. My legs, ankles, and feet. I don't know if I'm swelling anywhere else because when my skin hurts like this, I wear my huge clothes. Mostly the 4x and 5x "I shoot RAW" T-shirts. 3X is loose, but not loose enough. And don't even come at me with a 2X. That barely fits over the boobshelf on a good day. I sleep naked (sorry for that mental image), but between  the "get out of bed" and "take a shower, get dressed" stages of my day, I have to wear something. Since I used to exercise in the mornings, I'd put on sweats and a loose T-shirt. I still do. Except now its yoga pants and a huge T-shirt. (mostly, black yoga pants and my blue 5x "I shoot RAW" T-shirt). Today, after my shower, I put on a different pair of black yoga pants and my maroon 5x "I shoot RAW" T-shirt along with my black, fleece-lined hoodie. I was going to change before I sat down to write this, but jeez, why bother? I'd be switching a pair of yoga pants for an older pair of yoga pants and a huge T-shirt for a slightly more-worn huge T-shirt.

My hands are aching, not like arthritis (thank fuck, because that shit hurts more than the fibro-ache), but when they get to the point of being so sore that I have to rub them, it feels like I'm rubbing the skin from my bones. The pain in the muscles and tendons in my hands and fingers feels like it goes right through the bones. I assume because my finger bones are closer to the surface than say... my ass, I mean my hip. Not my ass... that cushions my hips, but there's a lot of ass between the skin and the bone. Or something.

We had rain and cold all week. I assume that's what caused this flareup. Whatever it was, it can just fucking stop now. Seriously. I'm done with you. I need to go to Home Depot, goddammit and I can't do that if you're going to attack me like an angry, yet lazy The Blob. That's his real name, right? The Blob. I mean, just "Blob" is a little familiar and I'm not going to call him "Mister Blob" because fuck him, he's a blob.

Now this is going to take a random jump, because I had to stop typing for a few minutes.

I really want to sit on the sofa and watch a movie (I don't know what, we have tons, even a few I haven't watched yet), but I know what it will feel like when I try to get up after two hours of sitting there. It will hurt. It will hurt so much that I can't find adequate words to describe how much it would hurt. And right now, after hurting so much for so long, I don't want any extra hurt.

I mentioned taking the Vicodin on a six hour cycle- I should mention also that it doesn't take the pain away. It takes the edge off the pain. It makes me hurt a little less so I don't end up crying. Although, at this point, I just might put in a really sappy movie and just let myself cry at that so I can feel better after. Although, I'm not sure I'd feel better, because I'd have that pesky "sitting on the sofa, can't get up" pain.

Here is my normal pain. Normal, manageable, totally go without Vicodin all day.




This is the "I just got up from the sofa" pain. The kind of pain that makes me exclaim swear words. The kind that brings me to tears.



Does that help? Do you get what I'm saying? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Are you smelling what that rhino is cooking?

No, wait... that's not quite right. I don't think you can really grasp the whole thing here. So, I made this in Photoshop.



Ah, there we go... that's more like it.

All I've done so far was bitch about the pain. I haven't even whined about the exhaustion. Well, I really can't. I've had some days when I'm so tired I can barely sit up and I've had other days when I'm fine. The one constant in all these days is the pain. The Disabled Guy called me today about something trivial (the title of a movie) and I tried to explain to him that I wasn't thinking clearly because of all the pain and Vicodin. He didn't care. He just wanted to know what the name of a movie was. Spoiler alert- "Planet Terror" from the "Grindhouse" double feature.

I have to go now. I made a strawberry cheesecake because I had too many strawberries and had to do something with them before they went bad. What? That's a perfectly reasonable thing to do an hour after you take Vicodin. Also, this happened today. 

It's January! No, it's March! Wait, January! APRIL! Wait, WINTER! SPRING! GAH!

So far this month, I've had more sleepless nights than I have in, I think, ever. I can't even remember how many times it has been. Twice a week? Those are the "insomnia-lite" nights. My pain meds don't do their job and I end up unable to sleep. And I try. I go to bed and I lay there. I stare at the ceiling. The wall. The other wall. I lay on my side. My other side. My back. My stomach. I give myself two hours. If I can't fall asleep in two hours, odds are, I'm up for the night. I usually end up awake till 4 AM and I take another round of pain meds and exhaustion takes over.

Last night was one of those nights (again). And I knew why, too. Yesterday's weather- we had clear skies at dawn, quickly taken over by clouds. It snowed big, fluffy flakes. Before I could grab my camera for snowflake macros, it changed to freezing rain. Then regular rain. Then snow again. Then rain again. And this was all within a couple hours. Then we had rain and sleet off and on all day.

Along with Insomnia-Lite, I've also had days where my skin was so sore or so itchy, I didn't want to wear clothes. But I did, because this is Wisconsin and it usually gets cold here in January. So, I've spent a majority of my days dressed in my way-too-big jeans and a super-soft fleece hoodie. Or, too-big yoga pants and a super-soft fleece hoodie. Today was one of those days. The feel of broken-in jeans on my legs all but drove me insane and I didn't even have them all the way on yet!

Now, I know exactly why I've had so many screwed up sleep nights and "I wanna be a nudist" days. The weather. We've had days so cold that we didn't crack 0 on the Fahrenheit. Wind chills in the negative double digits. You know- typical Wisconsin winters. I grew up in Alaska, this is nothing for me. And then sometimes, the very next day, we'd get up to the mid-40s (that's around 7 Celsius). Every couple days, we'd ride this roller coaster in "expected high" for the day.

And the rain. I mean snow. I mean sleet. I mean sunlight... wait... I've lost track. We reached the mid-50s last week. All the snow we did have melted off. Then it got cold again and we had a couple inches of snowfall. (I did manage to get a bunch of photos of snowflakes. Here's a link to that album on Flickr). Then warm. Then cold. Then warm. Then cold. And then I ran my head into a wall repeatedly because a coma sounded a lot more comfortable than whatever the hell I was going through.

Today, I've slogged along with the all-over body aching. My muscles are stiff and sore and they feel like they're pulled tight. No extreme itching, luckily (and shockingly, because it is really humid right now). When I stand up from sitting for even a few minutes, my body is so stiff it takes me a few seconds to make sure I'm upright and balanced enough to attempt a step forward. It is one of those days that if I have to stand up, it ends up much easier to just stay standing than to sit down again. Every muscle in my body is sore. I feel like I was thrown from a horse. And for those of you who have never been thrown from a horse, I feel like I've been hit by a truck.

I got to the point today where I went upstairs, peeled off those horrid clothes (the too-big jeans and super-soft fleece hoodie) and crawled under my soft fleece blankets. A few episodes of "Law & Order CI" and "Snapped" later, I forced myself to get up again. I still hurt. My pain meds haven't put a dent in this pain, but I can feel their effects in other ways... Affects? Whatever, I can feel that I've taken them because I feel tired. But my body is still in pain.

And to show you what I'm in for in the next few days, here's a screen cap of the local 5-day forecast from Weather-dot-com. I added the Celsius conversions in red because one or two of you would appreciate it. I put it in link form because it is kinda big.

Just now, typing in the html for the link, it thundered. We're having a thunderstorm in January. That's not weird at all.

Well, here's a kink in the garden hose.

I really have no idea what the hell that title means.

October 6th and 7th found me out at the Stronghold Olde English Faire. It wasn't just "cooler weather", it was downright COLD! And oh, boy, was it wonderful! Sure, I was wearing my ineffective cloak and not-period fingerless gloves (I had to keep my fingers free for photo-taking), but the fact that I wasn't dying of heat exhaustion or having a flareup from the humidity was enough for me to love the day.

Till I sat down for any extended period of time and then tried to move. Turns out, this fibro-beast doesn't like the cold weather any more than it likes the hot weather. This whole year has been a disturbing visit into chronic pain hell from whence I have no escape! (did you hear thunder and did my words echo? No? That's it, I'm firing the sound crew, they do nothing!). Luckily, on Saturday, I had the help of an armored escort. He helped me to my feet when I needed help standing up. Would you like to see a photo of him? Of course you would. I took this photo last year (2011) at Bristol. This was actually the day we met.



If not for his hand at times, I wouldn't have been able to stand up. The cold didn't just "settle in my bones", as I heard my elders say numerous times. The cold soaked into my muscles and my bones and set up tents, staged a protest, burned some effigies of what a pain-free existence used to be. The cold marched on the streets and stormed the castle. The cold intercepted the game-winning touchdown and ran it back down the field while my team floundered like so many... uh, flounders on the field.

You get the picture.

I had trouble falling asleep, because the cold made everything tighten up and the muscle relaxers did nothing to help. Sunday at Stronghold, I had my daughter with me and I took pain meds upon arrival at the faire. It helped a little. It was also not as cold as the day before.

So, what I take away from this past ten months...

The weather changing can trigger a flareup.

Humidity can trigger a flareup.

Heat can trigger a flareup.

Cold can trigger a flareup.

Physical activity can trigger a flareup.

A butterfly flapping its wings in New Cumbria can cause a flareup. (I don't even know if that's a real place. Maybe Cumbria isn't all that new, who am I to judge?).

So, basically, I need to live in a pressurized, climate-controlled environment and never move. Never get up and walk around. Never go outside. Never do anything. Never see anyone. Never, never, never, never.

Fuck that noise.

I spent three goddamn years trapped inside my house, inside this stupid body, at the will of a doctor who just wouldn't give me that much-needed consultation letter. I am not locking myself in the house and missing out again. I have no idea what can be done for this- I have a followup appointment on Thursday- but this ridiculous disease is not taking my life from me. I let it take enough from me.

So, I'll muster through. March on. Carry on and keep bitching.

I have another faire this weekend, one I've never been to and I can't wait. By the way, here's a link to the photos from Stronghold Olde English Faire in Oregon, Illinois.

The Ever-Changing World of Weather

Oh, how it wreaks havoc upon my body. The humidity, the heat, it makes me wish I could scrape off my skin or dig out the pain in my joints.

Let me throw this out there, before I get started and spiral into full-on rant mode. The spouse- aka the Disabled Guy- has said in the past that he thinks I'm exaggerating my pain. I am not. I'm just more vocal about my pain now that we know it has a name. I've been paying more attention to the pain, the weather, the connection between the two. I've also been more outspoken about what it does to me and how it feels. There's no reason other than to try and garner a little bit of sympathy from those around me. But it isn't working.

A lot of people are lucky, they have an amazing support network of actual living humans who are or are not related to them. They care about them, are concerned for them. I do not. My parents don't live with me, so they don't see me on those days when I'm my worst. They know about them, but they rarely see it happen. Plus my mother has her own very real and visible health problems to deal with and quite honestly, I don't need to burden her with mine.

My main source of support comes from online friends- most of whom I've never met in person- who are either suffering the same fate as I am, or they have pain issues of their own that are different. I also have some who have no major health issues, but they care about me- again, some I have met, some I have not. And while its nice to know that they're there, I don't want to spend my time whinging on to them about how much I hurt or itch or whatever this stupid thing throws at me on any given day.

And that's where the weather comes into play.

You know the incredibly annoying saying- its said no matter where you live- "If ya don't like the weather here in [insert place], just wait ten minutes! HAR HAR HAR!!"

Yes. Hilarious.

I only say that sentence out loud with heavy sarcasm or incredible irony.

Last week, we were having typical Autumn in Wisconsin weather (I live in Southern Wisconsin, for those not in the know). Nights were in the 20s or 30s (Fahrenheit, my metric friends) and the days were in the 40s. Sometimes the wind chill brought down the daytime temps, but hey, it was at least dry. And I could feel it over the last few days. I could feel the weather changing. I knew it was coming.

Along with the all-over flu-like feeling, I had the itchy skin and various points on my body hurt like arthritis. I have thought for years that it was arthritis, but it might not be- it may just be what is referred to as a "fibro hot spot". Last night, I took my Vicodin at my usual time, followed by my muscle relaxer an hour and a half later. It wasn't till about an hour after I took the muscle relaxer that I started to feel any kind of relief. Which to me equals less likely arthritis pain, more likely fibro hot spot.

Today's high- 60 degrees Fahrenheit. Humidity is at 98%. I start feeling the humidity in my skin around 50%. So you can imagine how I feel right now. And if you can't, here's an analogy.

I want to scrape off my skin with a potato peeler and rub sandpaper on my muscles underneath. I'm running low on Vicodin- thanks to the VA hospital's refill policies- so I'm trying not to take any in the daytime till the refill arrives. I may cave in though, because the potato-peeler option is a little messy and I'm not sure the disabled guy would give me sandpaper. And the pain that is radiating from my right hand and my feet- well, I would like to take an ice pick to those joints and give them a thorough rub down with sandpaper too. Again, it sounds messy.

The weather is supposed to change tomorrow and be back down in the 30s. I can only hope so.

On a side note, a friend of mine (one of the online ones I've never met in person, but we've spoken on the phone) started a message board for support. We're not medical people and we offer no medical advice, but its a place to go and vent and rage and cry. And get support from people. She calls it Strength With Pain and she's made me an admin. I'm "Pahz" over there and she's "kcmc". If you're in pain, you have friends there. If you're not in pain, then you can come be a friend.