Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Well Played, Fibro, well played...

*slow clap*

I've been procrastinating. I've put off writing this blog for almost a whole week. Lack of motivation, exhaustion, pain, stress... take your pick. On Monday, I procrastinated writing this by going to the store. And we all know how I hate going to the store.

I am a goddess when it comes to procrastination. And the weird thing about that is that when I used to do it, I would suddenly become more creative or become inspired. I had a deadline for homework or something and if I waited to the day before it was due, it would end up being some of my best work. I was even late on a photography assignment. And the teacher had a policy- if you were late, she took points off per day that you were late. I handed in my assignment on panning two days late. I should have had an entire letter grade taken off for that. She gave me an A anyway, because "it was too good for me to give it a B..." her words to me.

My body has decided that since I won't write a blog post in the daytime, it would help me get it out in the nighttime.
Well played, Fibrofuckingmyalgia, well played...

So, one would think that procrastinating this blog post for a week would result in something fantastic. Nope. Not so much. What we are getting, though, is a blog post brought to us by Insomnia Lite. And did I even start this when I got out of my wide-awake bed? No. I went to Facebook where I replied to some posts and then bitched about the fake insomnia. And then I read a really cool Buzzfeed article about one of the jousters I know.
AND THEN I WROTE MY BLOG POST   Nope! Not even then! I opened Photoshop and dug out my backup hard drive to find some photos from last year's Janesville Ren Faire to add text saying: "Soon". But then I stopped myself, because c'mon, I needed to type this up, right?

Here I am, having the all-over-itchy-body thing. And don't get me started on the muscle thing. I'm having the pain, of course. But not just pain, I have an all-over tightness in my muscles too. I feel like I need a good stretch.

"Why don't you just take a moment and stretch things? You used to be athletic, right? You know how to stretch properly..." 


As I lay in my bed (Laid? Lied? Lain? Slain?), itching and awake and achy, I decided to do some stretching to ease that muscle tightness. It didn't go exactly as planned... my quad- that's that big-ass muscle in the back of the thigh, right? You know, right under the ass? That big-ass muscle on the back of my thigh decided to remind me it existed by getting a cramp of Charlie Horse proportions. So... that. I started to stretch my arms and shoulders, but I felt that sharp tightening, so I stopped before it became a full-blown Armlie Horse.

To add to this general discomfort, my desk chair broke a few weeks ago (it had a good and busy life, supporting my ass- through the knee replacement and everything, so it was at least five years old). So I took my dad's. I mean, c'mon, he's not using it. Apparently, his ghost was, because it lasted a week in my house before it broke. (I have no idea how old his chair was). So, the Ghost of Dad decided that he didn't like me taking his chair and it broke... it literally broke beyond use the day I ordered a new office chair online (it should be here Friday!). I'm sitting on a hard metal folding chair with a sofa throw pillow on it. I would have thought with an ass as large as mine that I'd have a little built-in padding. Turns out, that's just for show. I'm sitting up so perfectly straight that my 8th grade typing teacher would be proud. (I'm also typing without looking at my hands, because that's how I was taught and my keyboard is on a little shelf under the top of my desk- good thing schools taught girls how to type in the early 80s, right?).

Oh, I do have one good thing to say... remember how excited I was about having that shot in my foot? Well, less than a week later, it was back to its usual level of Railroad Spike Hammering pain. I waited another few weeks, because I wasn't sure how long it should take to go into full effect. The last time I had it done was while I was under anesthesia for my total knee replacement and I was on the fabulous pain medication known as Oxycontin. I even had Morphine the day after the surgery. That was a fun drug. As the nurse put the needle into my IV tube, I was writhing in pain and as she pressed the syringe plunger (that's what that thing is called, right?), I asked: "How long will it be before this takes effect?" Except I said it more like this: "How long till ThIs TaKeSSssss uhhhhffff-ehhhcktuh?" And then I woke up four hours later.

So you can see that I wasn't sure how long that shot would take to work. I went back after four weeks and the doctor discussed my options with me. And so as not to bore you to bits again, I covered that in a blog post on Conversations with the Disabled Guy. To summarize- my choices were "another shot and hope for the best" or surgery. And the surgery needs 6 weeks to recover. And I won't have that kind of time till November. Just a reminder- my fibro made my knee replacement recovery last a year and a half instead of just a year. So quite obviously, I can't count on my body going along with that 6-week timeline.

We opted for the "another shot and hope for the best" option. And good news- it worked this time. Now the only pain I have to deal with is the fibro (and the tendinitis in my feet and shoulder, and the arthritis in my hands and wrist... but hey, that's okay!).

I'm sitting here, in the middle of the night, on a horrible metal folding chair and sofa pillow, listening to Flo Rida, and itching like I've got some kind of medieval disease.

But at least my left foot doesn't hurt.

And we've got 39 days till the Janesville Renaissance Faire.

Bring it.

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